Hey Bless you. . There are no words right now that will etch into your thought process that will pull you through this most dreadful situation .. But what you will discover here that there are many who will help you understand that EVERYTHING your thinking and feeling is a natural human emotion to your own unimaginable situation. My mum was gone within 7 weeks of knowing she had the disease. And she was vibrant energetic clever and talented and too too special of a human to NOT be here anymore. . But her final week she went down hill so fast to literally being paralysed and I was still trying desperately to fight for her life and willing her to want to. . I asked god who I hated at this point but I prayed that if she could not be cured if our fight was to not be won and then take her because she was TOO special to suffer this indignant process. And so the next day just before midnight my mum took her final breath in my arms. I adore her and honestly have had more days of wanting to be with her since her passing than wanting to live. BUT we are their story of life and we have to continue our story in order to make sense of theirs. . The following days weeks months are going to possibly be the most excruciating painful of your life and you will knock yourself out in your head of all the should haves could haves and didn'ts. . Because this sends you slightly in sane. . How can losing a precious loved one and watching their suffering NOT . So please. . Stick around on here. . You will discover an ocean full of people in the same boat. . Some a little bit deeper some not quite so but all who have been here and gotten through the early am's when the world's asleep and you feel desperately isolated. . My mum had this look in her beautiful tired eyes and for all my pain for every excruciating moment without her I tell myself. . I'll take this. . I'll take this knowing that mums suffering has ended.  Please don't hate yourself. . especially because your dad must adore you. Having felt your courage. . Your fight for his life. . And your absolute in love for him. Try and look within yourself and see the volume of love you have for him and try to project it back to you .. Because you are him and you took none of this laying down. . Bless you. Be brave. . I will tell you I honestly understand the saying. . You don't know how strong you are until strong is the only bloody option. . And what doesn't kill us f@*#$ us up mentally. . But it's temporary madness.. I even tried to convince myself that mum got cancer because I dated someone once who she didn't like. . Or because I didn't visit enough last winter. . I've hated myself for not wanting my brother to give her hob nob biscuits knowing cancer feeds from sugar .. A million things in my journey have kept me awake and if I have nodded off, I've bolted upright remembering a time I might not have wanted to chat for too long. This is the most messed up of situations and something we before hand can't contemplate. . I think Shakespeare said. . Everyone is an expert on grief UNTIL it happens to them. . Here you will find many who hold the t shirt and lived through their personal hell. . And listening to their experiences have shone a dim light through some terribly dark moments 

Here if you need to release the valve sweet one. God bless you and your bravest of brave dad x