Hi there ...

Very interesting thread ... we all can only give our personal views ... as everyone is different .. for me .. l lost both parents ... devistating ... I've not lost a partner to cancer etc .. but in my life there is no love like the one that grew inside us ... and we are connected by an invisible thread, that no one can brake ... our babies for me, would be the ultimate pain ... one I don't think I couldn't carry on from ... 

But everyone's pain is their own pain ... your hurting just as much as your mum ... but in her eyes she only sees her pain .. and maybe the thought of the future on her own , adds to it ... where you still have family with you ... I've chatted to a lot of young ones who have lost a parent ... I can't imagine how they cope .. and are so brave ... 

So my opinion... is there is no worse, or easier one to loose ... they all touch our hearts ... but for me .. a child ...  Chrissie xx

Just wanted to add my agreement to what you and Chrissie have been saying.  It's not a competition for who has the most pain.  I can understand that the pain is awful for all of you and individually you may all feel that your individual pain is unbearable but I don't think for a moment that there is a "pain table" setting out who feels what level of grief.  You will all feel grief and at a time like this it is better if you all chip in and help each other.  I am so sorry you are having to have to go through this.  It would be best if you could all pool your pain and share your feelings which from your post is pretty much what you feel also.    Annie

Hello,

It is a very sad situation that you find yourself in, I expect your mum is overcome by the event that is coming to you all and at the moment for her this is her reality.  My dad died aged 72 of COPD and my mum at 84 of lung cancer, I missed them both so very much but callous as it may seem I was glad that they were out of pain and that they have lived their lives to the full.  In April 2016 my son then aged 35 was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer and liver mets, he died on the 19 Jan 2017 and at the moment my life changed forever, he has two sisters and for them it is devastating.  His dad and I grieve in different ways, in fact we all do and that can be very devisive as well.  The death of a loved one has a different impact on each member of that family.  I know that I would rather that I had died than my son as does his father.  So from my point of view the death of the child/adult child that I gave birth to loved from the minute he was born and still do is the worst, I mourn him, I mourn the life he never got to live, the daughter he never got to meet and there will always be a hole in my heart and my brain thinks of him constantly.  Hopefully your family will grieve in their own way but understand that each individual is affected in different ways.  I do not know if this is of any use to you but youdo all need to talk about your dad, laugh at memories, cry at memories and a hug says a thousand words.xxlove leslie

That’s an impossible question to answer - it isn’t a competition :-( 

Everyone suffers and families need to come together to support each other, otherwise the grief of a loved one suffering can be worsened by their family breaking up around them just when they need love and support. 

I hope you manage to resolve this soon.

Good luck

Dave

Oh dear, you are already in such a difficult situation and you can do without any more hassle.  Have you tried having a 1-2-1 with your mum?  In fairness to her she may be falling apart inside and not keeping things together very well.  I am concerned to avoid you having a family argument with all the relatives involved.  Can you arrange for other relatives to attend at different times so there is not too much noise and confusion?  I can tell  you are trying to concentrate on your dad's needs and comfort in the middle of all this.  Annie