Hi Northern,

Welcome back to our forum. I am so sorry to hear that you are still having problems coming to terms with  your mom's diagnosis and cancer journey.

I am also very upset to hear about your experience on this site in May last year. There certainly should be no place for cruelty on this site. I hope that you reported this to the moderators at the time.

I have been involved on the site for nearly 10 years now and, have found the people here to be the kindest and most supportive people I've ever come across.

You need never feel alone in your despair on this site. We are all here to help and support one another.

Cancer is the cruellest of diseases and it doesn't just affect the patient, but radiates out like octopus tentacles to include family and friends. I am so glad to see that your mom is in remission and is managing to stay strong and positive.

I have lost both of my parents, several relatives and close friends to cancer and have battled 2 bouts of breast cancer myself in the past 9 years. The one thing that gets most of us through is sheer grit and determination and, out of this comes strength and positivity. In order to help your mom the best thing that you can do is to be positive for her, talk to her, don't leave anything unsaid,  tell her how much you love her, take care of her needs, make sure that her pain is well controlled, etc.

It is not good for you to be so anxious and depressed. Have you thought of seeing a counsellor or asking your GP for some mild anti-depressants?

Keep saying those prayers and I sincerely hope that they get answered.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hello, 

Its so nice to meet you (obviously not under these circumstances) but I'm in exactly the same position you yourself have been in, my Mum was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer on the 13th of November, and is currently on Chemo Number 2 out of 6. I'm so so happy to hear your Mum is in remission, I can't wait for that day! 

I struggle with Depression And Anxiety, and had done way before my Mum was diagnosed. So when she was diagnosed, it hit me hard. But in the couple of days after her diagnosis, me and my Mum told eachother everything we thought about the diagnosis. Even little things. Even if you don't feel like you want to speak to your Mum about the concerns you've had, and the way you're feeling so down right now, maybe try writing them down. I write my thoughts down when I'm low, because when I'm feeling a little better, I look back at them and see how far I've come, and feel more thankful that I no longer feel that way. And as Jolamine said, maybe consider going to your GP for advice. I am on medication for Depression and Anxiety, and I find it helps. Ignore all negative views of medication until you have tried it for yourself, some things work amazingly for others. I myself found my medication to work well, and am not ashamed to say it helps me every day. Also, your GP may be able to refer you for counselling, I wasn't very keen on that idea, but when things didn't improve, I took a shot at it and I'm so glad I did! Again, that's a personal thing, but you have nothing to lose by trying it, and I find that speaking to a neutral person, or stranger, helps to actually get all of my true thoughts and feelings off my chest, because there is no fear of upsetting or disappointing them like there would be maybe talking to people you are close with. 

In the meantime, be happy and positive that your Mum kicked Cancers Butt! Haha. I really hope you start to feel better soon, and I'm always here if you'd like to talk to someone who's in your shoes. 

Lots of love and hugs to you and your Mum. 

A xxxx

Dear Jolamine,

Thank you for your kind words. I've seen a psychiatrist and take anti-anxiety and anti-depression meds for a few years now. I've found that there isn't a pill that can help me when it comes to knowing that my mom is battling this disease. I guess I have to learn to try to be positive. It's so hard. I'm sorry to hear of your battles as well and I wish you all of the best. 

Thank you so much!

Northern

Thank you so much for replying. It means so much to me. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I will keep you and her in my thoughts. I agree that I need counseling. I really need someone to talk to as my negative thoughts and fears are spiraling out of control. I've been on meds long before my mom was diagnosed and they are not helping with my anguish. I'm so scared and I just want to be okay. My mom has been asking me if I'm okay because she says I look sad and it makes me feel so bad that she can see that in me. I want to be strong for her. I just want to feel like a normal person again. I wish I could be happy knowing that she is in remission, but I think I'm still struggling with the question of why this is happening. This disease is dreadful and destroys so many lives. I feel like I'm never going to be the same.

Well wishes to you!

XXXX,

Northern

Hi Northern. Welcome back. I hope you can find some comfort on here and find ways to feel better. It sounds like things are going a bit better, if your mum is in remission. Unfortunately, it also sounds like you have been through a lot to get to this point. I know how horrible the emotional roller coaster is. My mum didn't make it to remission, so with me, the emotional roller coaster only lasted for a few months. After that it's been a process of healing for me. I can imagine that your anxiety must be very intense, after having seen your mum go through so much, and then have anxiety that it will happen again.

Anxiety is horrible. No matter what anyone can tell us, our brains have a way of continuing on with the same thought processes that cause us so much pain. Talking to people about it helps. But sadly, at least in my own experience, friends don't want to hear about my troubles. They only want to see my smiling face. But bottling up all the emotions always leads to the same dark place. I hope this site helps you this time around. All the best.

HI,

Have you seen your psychiatrist since your mum was diagnosed?  If not, it may be that this sad news needs you to have a slightly stronger or different medicine than you are already taking.

It is never easy trying to be positive given a cancer diagnosis. Perhaps a counsellor might be the best place for you to start? Your mum obviously knows you so well that she notices when you are sad or upset and, this is probably unsettling for her. Hopefully a counsellor can help you on the road to positivity.

Please keep us updated.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

I've connected with a therapist and will have my first session this coming Sunday (I'm so looking forward to it). My psych just mainly writes prescriptions and gives me a little advice here and there, but therapy isn't her main function. I'm really hoping that therapy helps me. I've had it in the past for other issues and it helped. I really need some help now as I'm so devastated and consumed by this. I spent day and night searching for articles online and just obsessing about my mom. Will I never know peace again?

Thank you,

Northern

Thank you so much Serapine8. I've read some of your posts and I wish you well as I know you're struggling too. Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. It means more than you know as I feel isolated. I'm single and I have one sibling, but she is in a different head space right now. She seems to be coping better, so I feel so all alone. Yes, my anxiety is horrible and my obsessive thoughts are even worse. Much like you I'm missing people checking in and asking how things are going. This disease is so isolating. I wish you well.

Thanks again,

Northern

Hi Jolamine,

Thank you for your reply. It truly touches my heart to hear from others on this forum. 

I don't have a daughter, I have a sister and I'm sure you're right. I'm sure she's scared too.

Thank you again for thinking of me and for your well wishes.

Warm regards,

Northern