Hi Fatbob, it’s not easy being the non cancer partner, we get very little thought or in my opinion help.  When I went with my husband to chemotherapy I felt in the way and of no use, so I understand the way that you feel.  This is what I did, took each day as it came, bad days, just be there for her but don’t fuss they feel bad enough for being ill.  Good days, do things together, go for coffee, a country drive, a light lunch, if you can that is.  Or just enjoy each other’s company.  McMillan nurses are meant to be there for you both, there are also cancer support groups that you could look into, your GP can point out where you can find them.  Chat on this forum if you have time, I blog every day under my tag Caz07, I correspond with those who are coping with cancer, those who are grieving and tell daily snippets of living with cancer, good and bad.  So take a step to help yourself and your wife to cope with this cancer rollercoaster.  Best wishes, Carol 

Thank you Carol for your reply,it is a totally new experience for me feeling pretty helpless.I will give Macmillan a call and also have decided to see my GP.Today has seemed especially bad as my wife just seems to have given up fighting.I obviously dont know how rough she is feeling and it's difficult to watch.She has three more sessions to go out of 6 and each session seems to make her worse.I try to stay positive and help her through this and I know I am not alone many others are going through similar circumstances.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and I am sure we will get through,I think I have just buried my head in the sand a bit instead of talking and seeking advice.Onwards and upwards I think,and again thank you for your words,it was kind of you.

My best wishes to you.

Hi Fatbob, 

Please know that you are doing so well caring for your wife so lovingly and not wanting to burden anyone with your feelings but it is good to talk and get support. It’s hard to always be a tower of strength especially watching your loved one suffer. Keep doing what your doing at home as the everyday chores get us through each day I found this helpful while caring for my Dad before Christmas , we would do his favorite things each day when he felt well enough , but also give yourself time to get help and to talk about your feelings. The support will help you get through the next 3 sessions and in turn be there for your wife whom I’m sure will need you every step of this journey. Sending you positivity and strength over the coming weeks. Siobhan 

Thank you Siobhan for your kind and positive words.

Much appreciated,

Best wishes

Neil

Neil what you are feeling is perfectly natural.

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I was diagnosed with breast cancer before Christmas. My husband was initially very upbeat and supportive but I saw he was in shock. He now has terrible sciatica and ironically I am waiting on him hand and foot. Maybe it came on partly as reaction as I am the capable one in the family. My adult son just wants to fix it whereas my daughter has more empathy. The difference between men and women.

Dont feel guilty about the way you are feeling. Men hate to feel helpless. Take a day at a time, you will have good days and bad. I find the weekends the worst as I have no routine. And talk to anyone you feel comfortable talking to - GP, Macmillan, here.

we are all here for you and know just what it is like. You will get through this and be stronger for it.

Sending best wishes x

Thank you for your support,my best wishes to you and your family.I wish you all the best and hope you make a good recovery.

Many thanks XX

Neil

Thank you,I now know it will be a marathon not a sprint but definitely we will get to the end of it.Maybe I do need time to deal with this in my own way I think your advice is correct.At the end of it all our love and strength will get us through,it's just been a harder road than I expected.

Again thank you for your kind words,my best wishes to you xx