I feel lost and alone.I cannot go back to my house,all I can see is my husband lying in his bed in the  front room.I am selling the house as I am now with my daughter. she has been so kind.but I feel empty and angry too, he didn't deserve the end,not like that.also I feel so much guilt because although he told me in august and I would not accept that nothing could be done. I want my life that I had still and can't seem to care about anything.I'm numb,

HI Pcam,

I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling. Just remember that it is still early days. Grieving can be a slow process and it just takes as long as it takes. You will eventually find that there are brighter days ahead. I am so glad to hear that your daughter has been there to support you. I can understand how you feel about the house. It is especially difficult to live there with your memories. I hope that you manage to sell it soon and then that will be one less thing to worry about.

It is not at all unusual to feel like you do, but please don't feel guilty that you couldn't accept that nothing could be done. It is only natural that you wanted him to live and were cluching at straws, in the sadly vain, hope that he might survive. Feeling empty and angry are some of the stages of grief and are emotions that you will eventually work your way through. Have you considered seeing a counsellor? This is not for everybody, but it can be a tremendous help to some.

You will always hold your husband in your heart and, it will gradually become easier for you to accept your loss. As you do this, the day will come when you can look back on loving memories and smile again.

Please keep in touch and remember that we are always here for you on bad days as well as good.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you,for listening

My 78yr husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in September.  He was going to have operation to remove spleen and the rest of pancreatea but unfortunately 6 possible dates, 6 covid tests but postponed due to lack of ITU beds and then cancer spread to kidney, lung and liver.  Consultant admitted the cancer was there when husband had bowel operation for bowel cancer.  There was an oversight in ct scan which didnt show the pancreas cancer.  My husband has been in extreme pain with his neck - cancer spread to left side of neck to spinal column and nerve ending.  The consultant said he only has 3-4 months to live.   I have watched him twisting around in pain agonising to watch.  I had to call A&E he was admitted to hospital, trans to another hospital and now in hospice pallative care.  He wanted to go to pallative care and now he has changed his mind and wants to come home.  He is bedridden.  I am nearly 72yr and I cant manage by myself.  I feel so bad. I dont know what to do.  If he had both cancers treated he could have been cancer free but the consultant said he could have had more cancers.  My daughter died 26th January  2022suddenly at 47 due to embolism .  I have complained to PALS and they are investigating but I know nothing with become of it.

Hello Dinny,

What a terrible year you've had. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's sudden death and offer my sincere condolences. No parent should ever have to suffer the pain of losing a child, whatever their age. It must have been particularily difficult for you to cope with this when your husband is so ill. It is such a tragedy that all of these delays have given the cancer time to spread. Have staff at the hospital managed to ease his pain? If not, they should be able to control this - don't be afraid to ask.

Most people want to spend their last days at home if possible, so I am not surprised that he has changed his mind about the hospice. It is hard work to look after a loved one at home. Do you have any other family who could help out? If not, there are carers who can help out. I have had the misfortune to go through this with both my parents and parents-in-law. We eventually had carers coming in 4 times a day to look to their personal needs. We also had visits from the practice nurse, who looked after their medication. Towards the end, we were offered someone to sit with them at night, but we chose to do this ourselves.

Why not have a chat with some of the hospice staff to see what they advise? You could do this on your own, without raising your husband's hopes unnecessarily. If you still feel that this would be too much for you to cope with, then you will be no worse off, but you will at least have investigated the possibility of bringing him home.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on and, remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you.  My son who has not married has helped drive me to cornwall for my daughters funeral last Friday and we are discussing bring my husband home. Today my husband was helped out of bed at the hospice.  We are discussing with the doctor tomorrow the options.

Hi Dinny,

What a hard time you are having just now - I really feel for you. I am gl to hear that you have a son to help out and I hope that the doctor will be able to be of some assistance to you tomorrow.

Please let us know hoyou get on.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx