I am so sorry for your loss, I also lost my husband on the 21st May this year from pancreatic cancer. He was 61 years old and diagnosed in January this year. He was incredibly fit and hadn't been in hospital since he was born. It spread to his liver, lungs, stomach and bones. Up until 3 weeks before he died he was still walking three and a half miles a day with myself and our dog. He developed blood clots and fluid on the lungs and this literally squashed the life out of him. We had no children, he was my best friend and I am finding it hard to accept that he has gone even though I of course know he has.

It is a vile disease and I feel so angry that a dear man had his life taken too soon by it. 

I feel so sad for you too. 

Hi

I am really sorry to hear that your husband has also lost his life to this cruel disease. I understand how you feel, it really upsets me that my husband who was just 56 has been robbed of his life. He had some abdominal pain only which would come and go and from diagnosis to the day he passed away we had 7 weeks to try and make some sense of it.

I am really struggling at the moment, he was my best friend, a good husband and dad life just isn't the same without him. I get so angry that there seems to be little funding and research into this disease. It has a low survival rate of 7% and it is no further on the last 30 years.

Its a horrible disease that is aggressive and it has it challenges. my husband did not stand a chance. it had spread to the liver and he suffered blood clots in his leg, lungs and finally the valve near his heart. He became very jaundiced, lost a lot of weight. it aged him 20 years. the only relief we have as a family is that his wishes were that he could die at home. we managed to do this the carers and nurses were fantastic supporting us and also my husband. He was not in any pain and he was comfortable when he passed away.

It is so difficult for those like us that are left trying to live our lives without them. They say to take a day at a time and it will take time before the pain eases.

thinking of you  take care and be kind to yourself x

Thank you for replying Pam. 

My heart goes out to you!

My husband also died at home which is the only real crumb of comfort I can find. 

As you say, you take one day at a time and then it hits you that it's forever. 

There needs to be some form of screening for this horrendous disease because it shows itself too late, it is the silent killer. Also I think more awareness needs to be made of possible symptoms, my husband was getting very anxious and fatigued last autumn but he put it down to doing very physical work and his age. I later read that these are symptoms of pancreatic cancer but unless you knew, you wouldn't necessarily go to a doctor with concerns.

I will think of you each day when I wake as I find that such a difficult time of day, as well as all the others that follow. 

Xx

Thank you jamillo

I agree with what you are saying this is a horrendous disease and it doesn't seem to get the attention it deserves. We requested no flowers at my husbands funeral but instead a donation to pancreatic Cancer UK. Do you manage to meet up with friends, they have helped me just talking to them. I am worried about all my sons but in particular my youngest son he is 21 and really struggling.  Steven my husband said to me. I am really sorry for the boys that they will be without a dad and only in their 20s. He accepted the diagnosis  he was so brave and always thought of others before himself.

how are you coping, I am here to talk if you need to.

I have also bought a book on grieving which I will start to read soon.

look forward to hearing from you

pam

Thank you so much!

We also asked for donations to Pancreatic Cancer UK and are hoping to have a memorial service when circumstances allow so hopefully will receive more donations then. We also had a collection for Border Collies UK, as I mentioned we had no children, not out of choice, but  my husband loved his Collies and vowed to give each one the best life he could. 

I was only thinking yesterday that if we'd had children they would only have been in their 20's. My husband lost his dad when he was 14, not from cancer, but it was so hard for him. I do hope your sons especially your youngest one can find someway of helping them through this horrendous time. 

My neighbours are being wonderful, helping if I need it but leaving me when I I need that as well. Friends have been lovely though most are not living near.

So many of the people he did jobs for have been so kind. 

Like your husband, mine put everyone else first. When he was diagnosed he apologised to me for messing up my life!! Dear man He also worried because he wouldn't be able to look after me anymore.

How can we not be cross or angry when such lovely, selfless people had their lives stolen in such a cruel way?

Sometimes I think I'm coping the best I can then I crumble, usually at the least expected time.

I don't think I will ever truly get over losing him, we did everything together. We met later in life and never got tired of each others company. That loss, as I feel sure you know, is not easy to come to terms with. Xx

Hi 

That really touched me, it seems your husband was like mine worrying about others more than himself. As I say he was so brave. The night we were given the dreadful news on 31st March after we had told the boys which was one of the hardest things I have had to do. Steven my husband was more concerned about telling me where certain policies were. He was so calm, never moaned and remained that way throughout the illness. He was so poorly with the jaundice and weight loss it was so hard for me to see him everyday because he deteriorated so quickly.There was nothing I could do it was out of my control.

I don't think I will ever get over this and him not being in our lives. I feel so angry that his life was snatched from him in this way. Why does this cancer receive little funding from those at the top and their is no screening. can I ask was your husband a diabetic because they say there is a link with diabetes and pancreatic cancer.

take care, keep in touch.

Late Jan P was admitted to hospital with a bleed from his stoma, no-one could explain the cause or reason for the bleed and was discharged from hospital. Three days later he was called back to the consultant and diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer Feb 2020 and couldnt believe the diagnosis as P felt so normal. Yes he started to feel tired but that was the only sympton. The tiredness increased but with lockdown we put it down to inactivity and boredom. Another bleed one night in hosptal and two weeks worry over covid exposure. Eating drinking normally then 3 weeks before he died he started to loose his appetite thinking it was causing a blockage and giving him discomfort still only taking occasional paracetamol.

Then he started drinking less finally on the Sunday we decided to allow our daughter and 3 year old grandaughter to visit us and he asked me to try and get him some help in dealing with his stoma. Monday cancer nurse and district nurse visited to assess his needs, he was then prescribed oramorph this was to be the last day we would have any real communication with him. Tuesday he became extremely confussed and vomited body waste it was horrendous, Wednesday he was put onto a syringe driver and was basically drugged into a state of comatose and a hospital bed was organised. We had a cancer nurse that night to sit with him and administer any additional drugs. Thursday was hard and Friday he developed what is decribed as the death rattle it was the worst day of my life, then finally at 3.45am saturday morning Cancer won. I had read all the information on how the disease progresses but I never thought it would all happen so devestatingly quick. Now 2 months later I still cant believe he's gone I say the words I will never see him again but my brain doesn't quite believe it. 

Hello,

my husband died November 2020 of pancreatic cancer he had been diagnosed in the august of that same year.

Hi Pcam,

A very warm welcome to our forum. I am so sorry to hear of your husband's death and offer my sincere condolences. I can appreciate just how devastated you must be, having lost him so soon after diagnosis. We lost my father-in-law just 5 days after he was diagnosed, so I can appreciate just what a shock this must have been for you.

How are you coping now? I hope that you have the support of family and/or friends to help you cope.

Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx