Welcome to the forum skegvegasqueen although I'm sorry for the reason you have joined us.

Many members here on the forum who have looked after a loved one in this position have found that everyone is different so sadly it's difficult to say how quickly it may progress but we do have some general information on our website about what to expect in the last weeks and days which I hope will prove useful. This is a tough read though so I'd only suggest reading through it properly if you feel you are ready to do so or possibly with someone by your side.

I noticed you said you didn't have any services in place so I just thought I would include some information we have on our website about what support you can get at home for you to have a look at if you decide to go down this path.

I hope this helps but if you have any questions then don't hesitate in giving our cancer nurses a call. You can contact them on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

hello 

my dad has bladder/prostrate/uretha cancer that spread to his lungs in July .. he was doing ok but has been on end of life care since his wife passed in Oct .. everyone is different so it all depends where is cancer is how big etc you need to speak to his cancer doctor.. 

we are caring for my dad at home which is where he wants to be so let your dad decide where he wants to be and ask for help caring for your dad when he needs it the most .. he has been mostly happy at home but was trying to hide his pain for fear of being taken into a hospice, i got his hospice care nurse to come out and explain that no matter what if dad wants to stay home that is where he will stay .. and he is still home with better pain management and carers and nurses coming everyday 

Thank for your reply and links. I'm ok with tough reads. 

My dad is back in hospital hes full of fluid which they are trying to reduce. Hes very sound mentally but not in body. I think he has an ever growing tum too. We are trying to get him home again. i find it very frustrating that we have to explain each time his past history and they never have his DNR to hand but there are 3 in his notes (I contend then today). Frustrating that dad lacks confidence in responding to Drs. Frustrating and amusing interpreting forgien accents for dad and his regional accent for Drs.

Grumbling done. Im over it. Back to life

Hello there

My dad had bladder cancer with spread to lungs and pleural effusions. He had these drained several times, the last time being May. He didn’t really have many problems with his bladder typically and in the end, had oxygen at home to help him with the breathlessness, which he felt comforting. He was also sound in mind but was tired in body. He passed away in hospital last October and I’m still heartbroken. 

We thought of bringing him home but looking back, had great care in hospital with nurses who were more experienced than us with recognising signs of pain, agitation, etc.

No one can tell how long but in the end, all I wished for was that his passing was pain free and we were there holding his hands, and luckily we were blessed with this. 

Thinking of you, keep positive thoughts,

xxx

Thank for your reply.