Sue-I am so sorry to hear your news. I think diagnosis is a shocking and scary time and you are at the sharp end of all of that. I wish I could give you a big hug. I think you probably will work out the best way to support him as you are the one that knows him and loves him. I can only tell you how we dealt with it. We allowed ourselves some time to be upset and to get over the shock a bit, but then my partner wanted everything as normal as possible. He didnt want people to put on the 'pity face' when he told them, he needs people to be positive, cheerful and confident that it can be beaten.

I dont know if this makes any sense to you but the advice that helped us was this-:

name it, normalise it and socialise it.

Don't call it the Big C because that gives it power, try to live your life doing the things you like doing as far as you can -be brave and strong and think of the treatment in the same way as the treatment for any disease. And don't be afraid to talk about it with family and friends. Above all [and God knows its hard] you must stay positive. That will help him to be positive and that will help his treatment.

Good luck x

I'm so sorry for your news :( My dad has just been diagnosied with a lung tumour and I think the initial shock is awful.

Have you been told what stage and treatment plan etc? I wish I had some words of advice and to make you feel better. Hopefully it can be treated - everyone keeps telling me how advanced treatments are now so I am trying to keep a positive mind.

I cant offer much practical advice as this is the start of our journey too but we are all here for you

Hi Sue. 

I can completely relate with how you’re feeling about not wanting to live without your husband. My husband was diagnosed with anal cancer in May and it’s been a rollercoaster since. In the early days I also contemplated the same as you because it felt like I couldn’t live without him and it would be better to not have to feel anything. But, 7 months later, here I am. 

Do you have a treatment plan yet? The waiting is the worst part. I found it much easier to cope and process everything when we had a plan and knew what was happening. Don’t be scared to ask loads of questions until you totally understand and feel comfortable. 

The way I supported my husband was to take all of the information in from the appointments, make notes and ask questions. He would switch off at appointments and when he was ready, he would ask me what was happening. He found that easier and also me being the way I am, liked to have all the information!!

Also, see your GP. Mine has been wonderful throughout and she has been a huge support, referred me for counselling and made sure my medication was working. 

You don’t need to do this alone. 

Take each day as it comes - you’ll have down days but you’ll also have amazing days with your husband and you will laugh again. 

Take care and let us know how you get on xx

I know exactly how you are feeling my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and secondary liver cancer last year, was told the other day that the treatment isn't working and nothing else can be done. He is going down hill rapidly, am in hospital with him now

We too have been together 35 yr I too am terrified and don't want to be without him.

Just try each day to get through, enjoy and treasure each moment you can right now  

Hi Sue 

I have been in your shoes and understand exactly how your feeling , what you mustn’t do is give up . You have to in some cases stick 2 fingers up at the oncologists they are not always the most empathetic when giving you news you  don’t want to hear , I used to march out there telling my partner ‘what do they know we can do this ‘, sounds daft but it does make you feel better in a weird way . 

Speak to macmillan they will help with finances and help guide you with contacting mortgage companies etc . I put this off for a long time as although worried sick how we were going to get through financially just

buried my head . There are lots of benefits and help available.