My feelings constantly change , i do cry but never in front of mum, i wait until i get home. We are very close always have been so im finding it really hard, i dont think about the end i literally take everyday as it comes or else i would be a mess. Mum started showing signs of losing her marbles bk in may , i was taking her to the doctors constantly and they were just saying she had depression, in july i ended up calling 999 as she was unwell and thats when we found out she had lung cancer that had spread to the brain, my whole world fell apart , my dad helps a lot with mum and i also have a sister who also does her bit. Do you have other siblings? 

That’s so good that you have some help. No I don’t have any siblings, I’m doing this one all on my own. The day mum was diagnosed I moved in with her as I swore she would never spend a night alone, she was so scared and vulnerable and I felt I couldn’t leave her. I think it’s auto pilot that’s getting me through this as the moment. My best friend is a counsellor and she says she’s scared for my future, she fears that the double set of grief will hit in one go. She says she doesn’t think it will be immediately after mum going but she seems to think that maybe a few months down the line something small will happen that will trigger the grief for both my parents. I can’t see that happening coz I don’t feel I have any emotions anymore apart from anger. I can’t seem to get upset or cry. Do you watch Emmerdale? I feel I know exactly what Paddy is going through when he says he doesn’t feel anything about the loss of his baby. Maybe it’s the mind that puts a block on things to help you get through, I don’t know. I’m so glad you have people that are supporting you and understanding what you’re facing, it must be a great help ️

It is a great help, i dont really watch emmerdale but i know the storyline you are on about. The hospice nurses connected to your gp surgery should be able to offer support, as little or as much as you need.its also good you have friends to talk to as you need that. I live literally 2 minutes away from my parents so i am very close by. It is so hard to go through this and even more so for you as it was your father first, life is so cruel sometimes. 

I’m at a different GP surgery than my mum so I’m not able to use my gp for that and as I’m not a patient at mums gp they won’t allow me to use that service. I will try and go through Marie Curie at some point soon. 

It’s so good that you live so close to your parents, that must give them both a sense of security and reassurance.   ️

Your mums gp should have hospice support, thats for yourself as well , dont ever doubt you are doing a great job and you are a great support to your mum .

Thank you for your kind words. I’ve already asked about that help from my GP but they’ve said they can’t do it because of it being two different surgeries involved. They’ve said I can however have counselling and have put me on the waiting list, they’ve said it should be between 8-12 months before I will get an appointment

That is crazy , its best to talk with your mums gp , im thankfully with the same gp practice as my mum 

Sorry for the delay, mums had a bad couple days. 

I have spoke to the receptionist at mums GP as none of the docs will talk to me coz I’m not a patient at that surgery. To be honest I’m fed up with it all, they all just want to keep passing the book and I’ve not got the time or energy to be bothered with it

Wow your GP sounds great, I wish mine were so supportive. I will have another go at visiting both surgeries and see which one I can get the most help from, thanks for that info, I didn’t even know there was a form that could be filled in . I know you already have support but I’m always here if you need to talk to someone that’s not directly involved ️