Oh my ... How horrible... It makes me appreciate my surgeon even more ... He gives us the results ... The treatment options ... And then a bit of thinking time ... And I'm in control of my cancer ... And he said he's on the end of a phone if ever I need him ... 

Shame your not at the same hospital .. think you should say something .. how many is he going to treat like that ... Maybe no one's given him a reply in the same vein ... It's your husband's cancer ... Not his ...

No wonder you broke down ... They see hundreds of cancer patients... But can loose the fact it is our first ... So hope you can find a way of changing or make him see how it effects you ... It's not what they say , it's how they say it ... Chrissie  xx

Hi,

So sorry to read about this awful experience which frankly used to be the norm with surgeons but is now supposed to have been trained out of them. This person is either an old dinosaur, or a throwback to the 1970s. The things he said are probably true but there are better more empathic and compassionate ways of giving such information to patients and their familes. When my wife was about to have brain surgery her surgeon said that he had to give her the survival statistics which included things like a 3% chance of this, and a 10% chance of that if she had the opeartion and an 80% chance of this and a 90% chance of that if she didn't. He then said that these were the national averages and that he'd been performing this procedure for ten years and had yet to lose a patient in the operating theatre which was just the reassurance we both needed. 

Your emotions are bound to be running high - which is why you need to be treated sensitively. 

The chances are that this isn't the first time he has acted this way so if you make a formal written complaint this won't come as a surprise to the Trust and may well be something his managers would privately welcome as it would be evidence to support some corrective action by them.. 

At best you might help prevent someone receiving similar treatment, at worst your husband's care may be transferred to a different surgeon - which may not be a bad thing.

Best wishes
Dave

Thank you so much for your replies. I’m glad it’s not me being overly sensitive but also upset that hubs has him as his surgeon. 

I completely understand what he says and the cancer might well still be lurking underneath the surface (hope it’s not but just as well to check!) but he could have said it in a nicer way. He is a throwback to the 70s and needs to have some soft skill training on how to speak to people and how to treat them.

It really galls me because this is private treatment too! Part of their mission statement is to have excellent and positive communication with patients and their families! 

I have never liked him from when we initially saw him because he inaccurately told hubs that he was stage 3 and it had spread to the lymph nodes, before the results of the biopsies, and he would need a full resection, chemo and radio wouldn’t work and ‘don’t get your hopes up’!!! In actual fact the results showed it hadn’t spread and the nodes were reactive and it was stage 2. Thankfully hubs’ care then went to oncology as they hoped to treat without surgery. I just feel the man is on some kind of crusade to show how amazing he is  

Hubs is scared because it’s his body and his cancer and wants to know it’s gone completely but I think I should say something - you’re both so right that he shouldn’t be able to treat other people in the same way. Cancer is scary and awful enough as it is without feeling like you don’t have a say. 

Thanks so much for replying x