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Not coping

Toriano
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My mum after a very quick illlness is more less in her last days she is currently in hospital but i can't bring myself to see her.....i was with her yesterday and it was really stressful

She keeps asking to talk to me so my family member arranges for us to talk on phone

I told her im scared to lose her and dont want to see this and we had a few emotional words 

However my brother think im being selfish and wont reply to my texts etc

Would just like to hear from anyone who has gone through the same and how the coped....my partner says i dont want you to look back and feel guilty....but i know i won't as she knows me better than anyone 

 

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    Hello Toriano; sorry to learn of your mum's illness.  It is difficult to know what is right; you are balancing your needs against those of your mum. And I am certainly not going to sit in judgement.  Just some thoughts.  Do you normally get on well with your brother or is it just this issue?  As your mum knows you to be emotional she is putting your needs ahead of hers (this is what mums do!) and she might be so happy that you made the effort to visit her again - it sounds as though there is not a lot of time left?    But it is difficult for me or anyone to say what is right when all we have to go on is your short post.  Would it help if you visited your mum along with your partner, or even your brother?  Sorry to make this short  but I hope you understand I am trying to help you too.  Hoping others will come along to discuss this with you also.  Annie

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    Hi. I've only just signed up to this and read your post. 

    I agree that it is so hard to know what to do. My mum died last week, just 4 weeks after the terminal diagnosis. In my case I had to make a 300 mile journey to see her and then once I was there my brother and I went in every day. I was terrified of seeing her like that, and of course it wasn't nice but, for me, it was the right thing to do. 

    I think you need to try to balance what you want with what your mum wants and needs. The key for me was making sure I had no regrets. 

    I hope you can sort things with your brother. If you are close then I'm sure it will sort itself out in time. Grief is different for everyone, we all deal with it in our own way.

    Please take care. X

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