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Explaining to a 4 year old

Butterflyangel
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Our daughters grandad has been given a few months to live. He had a seizure a few weeks back then we found out he has lung cancer that has spread to the brain and elsewhere. He has had 1 week worth of radiotherapy and will be starting chemotherapy this week. He's already lost his hair. Our daughter knows the truth her grandad is very poorly and will be going to heaven soon. Our daughter is grown up for her age and understands. I'm very worried that the chemo will make him detoriate fast does it? Any advice on how we can explain this 

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    HI Butterflyangel,

    I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's grandad. This must have come as an awful shock to you. Chemo at this stage is used to slow the cancer down, although he may be very tired and nauseous with the treatment. You may find that he sleeps a lot more, but you can pass this off as 'he's very tired'.

    Children are very resiliant and a simple explanation will suffice, although you may expect some peculiar questions at times!

    I have been through this stage with a number of family and friends and don't envy you. It is a hard road and I wish you the strength to see it through.

    Please keep in touch. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Hi,

    Sorry to hear you are going through this.When my nephew was diagnosed his young siblings were given a wonderful book about 'olly the brave lion' which explained chemo brilliantly and came with a Lion soft toy which had a 'wiggly' (the line they put in to administer the chemo) and a detachable name. I think the charity only give these to kids with cancer but you could take a look & maybe use it to create your own story 

    www.mollyolly.co.uk/.../

    Also this is a list of books you migjt find useful that are aimed for kids who have someone in their life who is seriously unwell 

    childbereavementuk.org/.../

    Best wishes with it all!

  • Offline in reply to Jolamine

    Thankyou Jolamine. It really has come as such a shock to us. Ok thankyou ive never had anyone close with cancer and domt really know what to expect. Her grandad has been so strong up till now just worry he'll be different while having chemo. Our daughter definitely takes it in she has her sad days and she has already spoke about how grandad may not be here at christmas. As we've said as a family we're happy she knows what is going on as we were told from the start just be honest with her. Xx

  • Offline in reply to Prufrock

    Thankyou I will take a look at these links. Anything to help her and us understand a little more, she's been great with understanding that the radiotherapy medicine made his hair fall out. I'm just not sure how chemotherapy will make him feel etc. Our daughter is very close to grandad and loves snuggling with him on the sofa so I know if he's having a *** day she will be good when we visit

  • Offline in reply to Butterflyangel

     

    Hi Butterflyangel,

    Yes, being honest is definitely the best way forward but she doesn't need chapter and verse - a gentle but simple explanation is all that she needs.

    My daughter was two and a half when her great granny died. The two of them were always very close. We didn't tell her that she had died until after the funeral. She is 40 now, but she has never forgiven us for not telling her at the time. My son, who is 2 years older just accepted it. In my experience, little girls are naturally more curious than boys and like to know everything.

    You are naturally worried about what sort of effect the chemo is likely to have. Why not phone one of the nurses here and ask them? Their number is 0808 800 4040 and it is freephone.

    I am always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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