Mesothelioma And my husband

Hi, first time on this forum and being very honest I purposely avoided ever joining these types of cancer forums as that meant admitting my husband has the really really dreadful form of cancer that sits there during his earlier years in waiting then drops a bombshell on you to say “forget living out your mature years with your wife- I’m going to make that really difficult or impossible “!. I don’t think I could cry much more as the tears have been flowing for months now. I lost my mum who I was incredibly close to and who was my best friend too to cancer 8 years ago and I nievely thought this can’t happen to me again. My hubby and I have worked really hard for many years and he’s weve made a good few mistakes along the way that have hurt us financially and emotionally but we accepted we made those poor choices and had to live with those decisions. We finally up sticks and moved away from the rat race and started to live life to the full again and dare I say it but we had a few bob in the bank too. Then came the bombshell diagnosis, we didn’t see that one coming. We’re now at around 12 months post diagnosis. He had all the adviser chemo rounds and a couple more besides. He never had the nausea which we thank the lord for but it did knock him sideways he’s lost around 7 stone so looks skeletal hardly eats without a fight and drops off into a deep sleep for some hours and then wakes up with some confusion. Once I start speaking to him it jolts him back into the current day. I’m scared so much he has lots of scrapes and bruising on his arms and knees from each time he fights with the bed and loses. I’m worried sick in case he gets sepsis to the point I’m now paranoid with him sleeping so much. It’s true to say that. Mesothelioma suffers vary greatly for so many reasons and longevity too. Just wanted to hear from anyone who can help reassure me with regards the deep sleeping and not hearing me and the sepsis concern. Thank you

  • Hi Pontneuf

    Saw the title of your post and do relate to it quite a bit.  My hubby was diagnosed at just gone 60 and like you it was the bombshell no one wants to hear. Unfortunately his body could not take the full course of palliative chemo but what little he had probably gave him a bit longer with us.  His journey with cancer  began with a chest infection that would not go away and went downhill from there.  Though he was never in denial, his way of coping was to refuse to talk about it and I became the go between for doctors and family alike.  Sure it takes its toll and like you I have been robbed of that 'retirement together' part of our lives (he died just before his 63rd birthday).

    I never went through the fear of sepsis and it was never raised by his medical support team/palliative care but the deep fatigue and increasing lengthy sleeps were a common part of his illness especially with the extra pain medication he required. Could well be the medication as well as the cancer that causes the heavy sleeping but I was sure it was my hubby's body's way of 'coping. My dear hubby went from 14stone capable engineer to a nine stone shadow within 18 months.

    Finding this forum helped me cope, off load, seek suggestions (actually kept me sane if I am honest) during those times of frustration, anger and complete helplessness that I could not make it all go away. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I learnt a lot about us during that period of life and I now cherish the memories. Hard, I know, but make the most of every day and try and grab a little 'me time'. Discuss your own fears with his team and/or your own GP if you feel you can.

    I am not sure this response will be of much help but this forum means that you are not alone with your fears.  Sending a virtual hug to you both.  Jules54