Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 3 replies
  • Views 213 views
  • Users 0 members are here

It’s hard to know what to say

Bailey123
Offline

My father in law can Down this morning and said he thinks it’s getting to the end . I asked why do you think that he said he’s getting weaker and weaker  . It’s so difficult to know what to say to him he always seem to tell me and not his son I maybe wrong but am not sure wether his protective of his feeling I always tell my husband what he say and also say that and don’t worry if he’s not told you . He’s sleeping a lot though the day  and I don’t know wether this is getting to the end . My husband as said that he hope that it’s not too long and do I think he’s a bad person for thinking that , I said don’t ever think your a bad person for your thoughts no one want to see him suffer and it’s ok to have these thoughts  nothing prepare you for these situations and we have to  make the best of it . Sorry if this upset anyone I just feel  that if I write it down it take it out of running though my head 

  • Offline

    Hi Bailey,

    Having been on this forum for a few years now, I do think some people find it hard to talk to close family members like a son or daughter, wife of husband. Maybe you are someone he feels its easier to talk to. You sound to be a very undestanding person. But the main thing is he is talking and not bottling things up like some men do.

    No one would think bad of your husband for seeing someone suffering with cancer is so hard as there is nothing much we can do to help them and that makes us feel so helpless. I know as I have had cancer myself and have also lost twelve family members to cancer over the years. 

    I am sure your words will not upset anyone as most of us have felt like you describe at some stage. By writing down your feelings it may help you too, for cancer doesnt just affect the patients, it affects the whole family and friends.

    Take care, sending kind thoughts and best wishes to you and your family, Brian

  • Offline

    Hiya; sorry about your father-in-law.  He probably did tell you because you are not a blood family member and he obviously trusts you not to make a fuss and I imagine he wants you to pass on the information to the rest of his family.    From what you have written he just wants a clear discussion about what he feels and doesn't want close family members - who may be too emotional or anyone else telling him he's wrong and that he could feel better soon when he knows that is not going to happen. You are so right when you say that nothing prepares you for this situation and you just have to play it by ear and go along with what your father-in-law feels and what he wants.  Try not to worry too much; you are giving the help that is wanted.    Annie

  • Offline in reply to Annieliz

    Thanks yes I feel he want to be straight forward . He’s come to live with us as feel I will be able to surport him the best . I’ve  been working on a stroke ward for the last 19 years and love my job when my father in law told us there nothing fthey can do  my first question was quite direct to him I am him when the time comes do you want to die in hospital all at home .his reply was at home . My reply was we do everything possible for your wishes but if I feel that not possible then I have to look for surport so weather that why he feel he can talk to me I don’t know

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.