Hi there,

Your post struck a chord with me and whilst I may not be able to offer you the best advice, I can offer you my own experience. When my own mum was Ill we sadly didn't get a Christmas with her before she was gone. However, when my mother-in-law was Ill we did have more than one despite a much poorer prognosis. For us it really was a family time which we enjoyed very much! We decided not to ignore the fact that she was poorly and I had a memory quilt made for her, full of pictures of her with family members and especially my children (her only grandchildren). She absolutely loved it and we told her it was so that we would all be surrounding her when she has a day that isn't so good. We also embraced the good days and made some very special memories full of laughter and joy. Just spending time together and sharing stories was such a special time. She embraced her old dancing days and showed off her moves in the kitchen, played board games, watched movies together and shared lots of life stories. What I think I'm trying to say is that there are good and bad days. The bad ones we took care of her and showed her love, the good ones we made new memories. We lived far away and regardless of how many bad days there were during our visits, we always made sure the good days were special. As far as gifts go, other than the quilt, we decided to buy experience gifts which could be used on her good days (like a cooking class or an open ticket for a spa day etc). She had everything she needed and didn't want gifts which may be wasted. We always planned the next visit when we were there and never cancelled any plans until the last minute if she really couldn't manage the visitors. That way, it was never our last anything, regardless of time of year. She always said that she loved having our visits to look forward to.

It really is a personal journey for all and I do hope that you can enjoy some family time together, regardless of whether or not it's Christmas. Best wishes to you and your family xxx