Welcome to the forum Courtney although I'm sorry to read what you and your nan are going through at the moment.

Many members on the forum who are supporting loved ones with cancer know how difficult it is to watch someone they care about contend with this disease, and hopefully you'll receive some lovely words of support from them soon.

And of course we don't mind having you here on the forum - that is what we are here for so do keep talking to us if you feel it is helping you to manage your thoughts and feelings at this time.

Best wishes to you both, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Oh my hunny ...my heart goes out to you ... I adore my granddaughter with all my heart .. she is my life and why I want to get up every day ... so I know that love between a nanny and granddaughter ... she's nearly 7 (in pic) so I can see her face every day on here ...

Your nan was blessed to have 12 more years with you .. and I bet the memories you packed in those years will live in your heart .. with my cancer l had to try to ease her gently that I may not get better .. and I may be a star next to my mum's bright star one day .. but I'd look down every night to let her know how much I loved her ... loosing loved ones is part of our journey .. but I believe they don't go , they watch over us .. and I know I'll be right there with her through her life .. as I bet your nan will do for you ..

My son is type one diabetic since 14 so I know what that entails ... and I have scoliosis and stenosis in my spine, and a trapped nurve .. so I can relate to pain 24/7 ... but remember your nan lives in you .. she's a part of the jeans you carry ..  every where you go through life, shell be there tucked up in your heart safely ... so my hunny .. hold her hand, share feelings and hugs .. make every moment a loving one .. and even when we think they can't hear, the Drs say the hearing is the last thing to go .. so you keep talking to her .. 

I'm here most days and if you want to private message me, I'll hold your hand through .. I can't take it away, but I will hear you .. just clic on my emilys pic and a friend request will pop up .. but thats if you want too ....sending you a big vertual hug .. Chrissie

Thank you Steph for replying. Yeah without sounding selfish because im really not, thats what im looking for a little support and empathy. Again thank you so much xxx

Chrissy, thank you sooo much for your post I really needed some empathy like that. I forgot I also have stenosis and osteoarthritis some people get no pain with scoliosis and some get a lot thank you so much for relating to me and sharing all that you have in the reply. I also was only diagnosed as a T1 at 23 its so odd how it just hits you from nowhere. 

Im sorry you also have cancer, sometimes the world is so unfair. I hope you get to brand yourself as a proud survivor soon really do. Ive never been on a site like this for support and the replies so fsr have helped that little bit. Thar picture you have up of your granddaughter is so cute! 

Its hard, nowhere near as hard as you have it for having this cruel illness but it is hard watching someone you love in pain. I really hope nobody thinks irn selfish for saying that. It was only 2 weeks ago we was laughing and joking at her house and now in hospital I have to put each tablet in her mouth shes always been such a strong and independent woman. I do just sit there and hold her hand rubbing jt when I see her because I know shes so weak and tired sometimes thats all someone wants you to do isnt it something as simple as that. Its just so horrible shes going downhill so quickly and you cant do anything.

I too believe once someone leaves they never truly leave, sounds silly but I still sit outside and look up at the stars and talk to my grandad telling him I love him ect. I know everyone has to leave but I still tell the sky its not my nans time but I want her out of her pain at the same time. Honestly your reply has made such a difference for me today. Im not 100% sure on who it was who came round to talk to my nan about dnrs but hopefully touch wood they said if they can get her pain down to a level where she can be out of hospital on other medications but they said maybe we can bring her home to my house with my mum they lend hospital beds for terminally ill people apparently and im holding on to that hope so I can care for her and be with her more than what I can at the moment whilst shes in hospital. I think the cruelest part is shes got that tumour in the place where it affects memory and I dont want her to forget what a life she has lead. She really has been the pillar of our family as im sure you are to yours. I hope you have loads of support around you and dont feel like you have to hide any feelings you have.

I will add you if you dont mind because you seem like a lovely lady and id love to one day get a message saying youve beat this! I think this site may help me and I hope it is for you too. Again, thank you so much I needed words like those today. ️

I dont know if you have any pets but these are my 3 furbabies and my little pug Lola is my baby shes really been there for me giving me lots of cuddles and kisses lol heres a picture of them I love them so much and me and Lola were going to move in with my nan because she isnt much hassle and would give her so many cuddles. My nan is still half coherent and says she would love to come live here and have some love from her. Hope you do have some pets because they are such kind little things and they know they can sense when your sad. My pugs Lola, frenchie Bunny and rotty Dolly ️ [[]]