How am I meant to be?

I’m really struggling :( I don’t understand why I’m not more emotional. My dad is dying of lung and brain cancer!! 

My mum hasn’t left his side and my sister and I are doing shifts! I’m doing nights and she is doing days. I used to work as a carer so I get it! But sooo much diff when it’s ur family. I’m not sure if I just have my carers head on trying to detactch and not my relatives head! I’m worried I’m gonna crash in grief after he has gone. He’s giving up eating and drinking now so only a matter of time :( he’s just too weak!! To even speak! He does this thing when he crumples his nose to say hello. And checks often that we are are there. He’s very agitated think fed up. 

 

He smoked all all his life and even though I quit I’m back on them too. As a coping thing :”( x messed up I know!! 

Anyone feel the same? 

 

  • Hi there ...

    I think your being far too hard on yourself ... everyone is different, and our brains try and find a way of coping when it's needed... your experience with others has probly kicked in and your on overdrive ...

    I've found it's good to go with how you feel day to day .. if you can cope, go with it.. you want a yell .. go with it .. it's about finding a balance .. and if you say, to yourself, I just may "loose it" completely, but that's o.k .. I'll get that out too ..  

    Your doing an amazing job so far .. think your dad must be proud of his girl ... so just go with the flow, be ready for anything ... and live in the day ... try not to think too far ahead .. cope with each problem and feeling as and when it comes up ... so hold on in there ... sending you a big hug ... Chrissie  x

  •  

     

    Thank you for your response x 

     

    its very hard x

  • Hi, don't worry about about how might crash afterwards.I lost my mum 4 weeks ago and up until her death I just coped. Obviously there were tears at times but I felt that I had to keep going to keep mum's spirits up. Her death was a shock and incredibly painful, you probably will crash, we all do. Don't be too hard on yourself take it as if comes. Nothing can prepare you for this journey, I actually am glad that I've felt so awful since losing mum. It is good to feel an emotion again however painful plus it comforts me to know I feel like this because of how much she meant to me.Greif is like nothing else I have felt but don't be scared of it. Be kind to yourself. Xx