Dad with Metastasis Melanoma

Hi everyone, in July my 86 year old father was told that he may have 6 months but realistically 3 months to live. Until 10 days ago Dad was having a reasonable quality of live, walking albeit with a stick, so getting out and about. At the start of last week Dad’s mobility became very difficult and he had a fall and ended up in hospital. Luckily Dad did  not hurt Himself to badly during the fall but is now practically immobile. His always said he wanted to be at home and the hospital have put through a ‘fast track continuing health care plan’ to make that possible. This would mean a hospital bed at home and carersfour times a day. After discussions with my Dad it became apparent that he thought he would be able to move around his flat by himself, but this isn’t the case which my brother and I to have fear for his safety between carer visits, and he could end up back in hospital following another fall. My brother is a teacher and I work away so although we spend a great deal of time with Dad we are unable to assist during the day. Our main concern was at night. After raising these concerns and discussions with the discharge team and Dad it was felt for his safety he would be better supported and his needs met in a care home. I am devastated about this for Dad, and cannot stop feeling guilty and am concerned about this outcome for Dad’s sake. Dad seemed ok with the decision and said he was ‘going down hill each day’ but I just don’t know. Dad is barely eating and gets very tired.  Just needed to share this and would appreciate any comments, thank you

  • Hi Sarah8,

    Feeling guilty about a parent having to go into a home for their own safety is perfectly normal. We want to care for our parents like they cared for us but sometimes the reality means we can't fulfill their wishes. My mum deteriorated so fast that she passed away in hospital, not at home as she wanted. My uncle & my mum-in-law have recently had to go into a care home from hospital as they lived alone & their safety was paramount. We have suffered guilt with all these decisions but we knew, deep down, that it was the best decision to come out of a bad situation. Sadly my uncle passed away shortly after but my m-i-l is receiving the best care & that means our visits are quality time spent with her, rather than using that time to care for her domestic & health needs (which I did for my m-i-l for 4 years).

    Your dad is doing what all my relatives did, accepting the situation with grace, because none of them want to make their family members feel guilty over a decision that has been taken out of the family's hands. Put that guilt behind you & use the precious time you have left to make memories with your dad. Sadly melanoma is an unpredictable cancer - it can move swiftly or it can creep slowly. So concentrate on maximising the love & support between you all and forget the surroundings. My love & strength to you all,

    Angie (melanoma patient)