Hello yogiwarrior,

Thanks for sharing your story and  I was really sad to hear that your mum is in a lot of pain and refusing to eat and that your dad is heartbroken.

I am glad Macmillan have been so helpful and it's great that they are looking at your different options getting in touch with the local hospice.

I thought I'd share this link with you  and you will notice there is a paragraph there on hospices. It mentions that hospices aim to ensure all of your mum's needs are met in the best possible way so it might be worth considering for your mum. Hospices are often calm places, decorated in a more homely way than a hospital. Visiting times, meal times and treatment times are usually very flexible.  Crucially your mum would be kept comfortable and they would be able to help her with pain relief. You can also find information about your nearest hospices from the online hospice directory. In terms of pain relief, you are best talking to your mum's medical team they may have alternatives to offer to morphine if your mum doesn't react well to it and they will be able to answer any questions you may have.

If you live in the UK, our nurses are also around on this free number 0808 800 4040 if you need to talk. Their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm.

I hope you find the best possible option for your mum. Those are very difficult decisions but there is no doubt that you are very caring and that your mum is very lucky to have you by her side.

I will now let our lovely members come along and give you some suggestions or strategies based on their personal experiences to help you cope in the coming days and weeks.

Best wishes,

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear about your mothers pain. I hope you find a good hospice soon, it sounds like your mum could use anything right now to feel better. 

Antideppressants are definitely a good idea, but maybe also something for the anxiety? My mum had terminal agitation at the end, and the anti anxiety meds helped. But what also helped was me being there. I remember one day going to see her, and she was in a rage. She just wanted to die. I was very patient with her, and kept offering her things she liked. She refused, but eventually said "ok. Bring me that coffee!!!" She loved it. Her mood improved significantly after a while of me being there. In fact, at one point when she was in ICU her heart rate was very high and the nurses were worried. After I was there for a while, playing her favourite jazz music from my phone, her heart rate went down a lot. I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything, just trying to point out that you should never underestimate just how much you being there can help your mum feel better. I desperately wanted to get my mum into a hospice but sadly she just wasn't well enough to be transferred. 

All I can offer in the way of advice is to just try and be patient and supportive with your mum. Give her what ever she wants or needs. Just be there for her. That love is the most valuable thing you can give her. If she recovers a bit and can be transferred to a hospice, that will be even better. Some places offer things like friendly visitors, massage, music. So much better than a hospital!

As for pain relief, I don't have much experience. They had my mother on a Fentanyl patch and she had no side effects at all. She had zero pain - despite a broken leg and cancer in three places. 

Sending lot's of strength and kind wishes your way.