Lost

My dad, who is now 80, was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2015. He gets forgetful, usually while telling a tale or trying to pass on information. But apart from normal aches and pains, he is quite active and still drives and self cares.

He had a fall in his bathroom a week ago and has ended up in hospital; he fractured 6 ribs, one of which slightly punctured his lung. That has healed.

While performing an MRI scan, something else showed up. To confirm it, yesterday they performed a CT scan and found a cancerous tumour at the front of his brain.

This news has hit me so hard. I am his only child, I'm 49. He has a partner who he has been seeing since 1980, they've never married, she lives with her mum (she's 20 yrs younger than my dad). 

I'm so used to him being strong and independent, I am having panic attacks thinking about what is to come. They have said they won't operate as he won't survive it. 

I really don't know what to do. I feel really lost. I'm in constant contact with his partner. My dad and I don't have a close, lovey dovey relationship; I lost my mum very suddenly in 2007, they'd been divorced since 1980 and I'd lived a few counties away with my mum. 

He was a good dad, he kept in constant contact and brought me back to my home town for school holidays etc.

I see him once every couple of weeks or so, as we both have our own lives. 

This diagnosis has completely knocked me for six. I don't know how long I'll have him for, how quickly his health will decline, whether he will be able to go home. I have to wait until the MDT have come to an estimate as to how long he's got. When I go to the hospital to visit, I don't want to feel like I'm pestering staff by asking questions all the time. 

I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I have never faced this situation before and it's making me feel sick and cry all the time. I feel like I don't have the strength to be strong. I thought my dad would live for a long time, I'm heartbroken.

Thank you for listening, any advice would be gratefully received.

Many thanks

B x

  • Hello Bobbie69,

    Your poor dad I am so sorry to hear that not only does he have Parkinson's but he has also recently been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumour. It must be an awful lot for you to take in and it must have been hard to learn too that the tumour is inoperable. But mostly I can imagine it is the shock of it all that is affecting you at the moment as you were used to seeing your dad active.

    Don't feel though that you are pestering the hospital staff by asking questions - that's what they are there for and I am sure they will be happy to answer any question you may have. We also have a nurse helpline which you can ring for free if you live in the UK - their number is 0808 800 4040 and their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. It is normal to feel heartbroken at the moment and I hope you have good support around you to help you cope in the coming days and weeks.

    We are all here for you anytime you need to talk. Many on our forum have been in a similar situation before and they will understand exactly how you are feeling at the moment.

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator