Losing my dad

Been reading helpful posts on here for a few months now, and finally I'm reaching out. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in October 2017, which quickly became aggressive and terminal. I attended his oncologist appointment today and we had the news we'd been dreading, the chemo hasn't helped and it's time to stop. When dad asked what the next steps are, he was simply told surround yourself with love. I feel like up until today I've been in a state of denile, especially as I'm getting married next year and held on to the hope he'd be there to walk me down the aisle. I've come home and completely fallen apart, coming to terms that my dad is going. I'm struggling the most with being around my parents. I want to spend as much time with them as possible, but at the same time I find myself making excuses not to, because seeing my young, fit, healthy dad becoming a frail man so so hard. I'm then filled with guilt. I feel so lost right now and hate feeling like I'm grieving for my dad who hasn't left us yet.

  • A warm welcome to the forum BrightonBelle1984

    I am glad you have found it helpful to read posts on here and that you found the courage to reach out. I hope you will get to talk to others here who understand what it's like to be told the devastating news that there is nothing that can be done other than be there for a loved one. You must be feeling really sad especially as you are getting married next year. It must be really hard for you at the moment feeling you are torn between wanting to be around for your parents and making the most of the time you have with your dad but also feeling heartbroken seeing your dad deteriorating progressively. The feelings you describe so many people on our forum will relate to. Don't feel guilty though - your dad knows that you are there for him and that you love him very much.

    I will now let our members come and say hello and share their experiences with you. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk!

    Best wishes,

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi, I feel for you - it is so tough to watch the deteriorating health of a loved one. My son found it very difficult to come to terms with his dad's terminal prostate cancer initially and found avoidance was his way of coping too. Talking really helped him in the end, to a neutral professional where he could let his feelings out without the fear of upsetting his dad and also because some of the anger he felt needed to come out. It's still not easy, but he feels more able to cope now and so doesn't avoid visits anymore. Maybe talking to a counsellor would help you too? It's a natural human reaction to need to express our feelings, cancer is such a shocking diagnosis to absorb. 

    I hope things work out for you x