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Need Advice

Caty
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I have come across this chat room and would like some advice please. My brother has been fighting cancer for a few years now but sadly another tumour has developed and there is nothing more they can do. I am going to visit him in Scotland next week (I live in England). He has taken the news well, but in the past few weeks he has deteriorated. I have not been able to visit as my husband has been ill. I am very worried about seeing him and just don't know what to say. Does anyone have any advice that would help, I just don't want to say the wrong thing or upset him in any way. Thank you.

I have just realised I may have put this in the wrong category! As I'm new to this I don't know how to change it.

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    Hi Caty,

    You wont say the wrong thing if you start your visit with a great big hug.

    Let him start thr conversation if possible.

    Or just talk general maybe about the weather.

    Best wishes & a hug from me to you X

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    Hi Cathy

    Just try to be you! I suspect he will be pleased to see you.  We tried to normalise cancer in conversations as early as possible as its something we have to live with and it takes the stigma out of it-people know where they are then.

    However let your brother lead - he may be glad to just have a listening ear and you will soon find out if he wants to talk about it, or avoid it.

    The worst experience we have had is my husbands  ex partner turn up on the doorstep (after 22 years!) --burst into tears and then do the patronising head on one side sympathy / i understand thing! (I had to walk out!).

    So good luck but just be strong -we have talked about funerals and legacys to family when my husband started to deteriorate. Thats was months ago and hes currently enjoying life knowing his wishes have been discussed with all concerned.  Its hard but does help him to deal with what's happening.

    Enjoy your time with your brother. 

    Big hugs xxx

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