So sorry to read your news. I'm dealing with my Dad who has terminal prostate cancer so can understand your feelings. I'm quite heavily tattooed my self, so when I decided to get a tattoo in honour of my dad, it didn't come as a shock to anyone. I talked about my ideas with my Dad and we designed it together, even incorporated his handwriting into it. Tattoos aren't everyone's cup of tea, but you know what, it's your skin, your precious memories, and your reasons. It may have come as a shock to your husband, and perhaps he didn't mean it, I don't know. But if it's something that will bring joy to you everytime you look at it, then that can only be a positive thing. 

Thanks for replying BB. I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad but you sound like an amazing daughter, who better to look after him than you. I think a tattoo with his handwriting is such a beautiful idea and what a wonderful way to make him ever-permanent in your life  

Maybe my husband was shocked to hear my thoughts, maybe he thinks I’ve given up already. Maybe he’s just as worried and upset as I am. I don’t know. I just said what was in my head, thinking he’d possibly scold me for being stupid and thinking like that, but never expecting harsh judgement. Cancer is sh!t. 

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Hi ladies

I'm sorry to hear your stories, I'm in a similar but equally heartbreaking club with my mum who i love more than anything. I'm not sure i have any answers or solutions to any of this but we are not alone.the horrible fact of the matter is that most adult children will be faced with our beloved parents getting sick and this, unfortunately is our time and what binds us on this site. these are dark and horrible days and if anyone else comes into our house telling me how my mum looks weaker or gives me their opinion (like it matters) on what to do ill scream. The horrible thing is how quickly she has turned from a person (my MOTHER i want to scream!) into a topic of conversation between relations, hospice staff etc. I cant stand it.she is the same person she always was and i won't let anyone push their views on me. I hate the looks and the whispering..since when has her health become a sideshow, maybe I'm being harsh on relations but it hurts me to my core the way they talk about her as if she didn't exist. Sorry for going off topic, it's  good to talk to people who understand where I'm coming from. I feel my parents house has gone from a happy home to a scary place with my dad, sister and i going around with haunted, stressed faces, it's horrible and I'm scared stiff of the future..my mum is my best friend and closest confident and even though I've 2 kids and a husband it's still so hard to think of a world without her in it. I'm not sure how ill go on to be honest..i was in a house today and it was like a dagger through my heart when i got the smell of home cooking, such a simple thing but a smell that's been missing from my parents home for the past 9 months.the only consolation in all of this is that in 50 years time none of this will matter as I'll be with her in Heaven. The only bit of advise ill offer (don't you hate the head tilters who look at you thinking 'gosh, glad I'm not her' while giving you loads of advise before going home to their healthy mum/dad..sorry i sound bitter here, don't mean to but i think i am bitter)anyway back to the advise! I suggest you don't be afraid to say no to demands on your time or energy. Save it for what counts. Separate the wheat from the chaff and only do what's important to you. This process is soooo tiring (can't stay awake but struggle to sleep!) so i think that now is the time to pull back and direct your energy into yourself and your mum/dad.

Stay in touch, it's a helpful and understanding site with some great contributors 

Denise x

Hi,

Tensions and emotions are often running high when someone is awaiting a full diagnosis, you hope for the best and fear the worst. Some people go into denial whilst others appear to be cold-hearted and factual about the situation. We snap at each other and some people seem to want to own the situation, forgetting that other people perhaps closer to the patient are going through hell.

Constantly "being positive" can be bl**dy annoying for the cancer patient too. We're sat here facing what feels like imminent death, we've done our research and know the odds we're facing (in my case only a 5% chance of surviving for 5 years) and people annoyingly say "don't worry, be positive and it'll all be fine". On the positive side, that was 5 years ago next month :-)

Be supportive, but try to be realistic too - a very hard balance to achieve. 

Hopefully things will be better now that you've both slept on it.

Best wishes
Dave

Hi there ..

Saw your thread and just had to add my twopenath  ...

I think those around you are really lucky , you've held it in So long ... bless your heart .. a tattoo is a brill idea .. coz then she'll be with you always ... and I can't imagine how your keeping it all together. .. at the end of the day it's YOUR mum .. you do whatever feels good for you .. I'm sure that will make your mum smile ..

Listen to Dave,  hes got some really good advice .. sharing tears with everyone even your mum , will be part of bonding on this journey of hers .. I shared tears with all my family at one time or another .. and believe it or not lots of laughter ... because cancer wants us angry and sad .. and to feel isolated and alone in these feelings, and yes it is hard to share but it's devistating holding it all in..

Any time you want to share any feelings your having this is the place to do it .. there's always someone to understand ... sending you a big hug .. lastly I think your hubby needs some help with his feelings .. something must have happened in the past for him to be like this .. but your doing amazing ... 

Chrissie

Hiya.  Just to add my two'pennorth after Chrissie!   It seems that a very understandable remark has got totally out of control and taken off from there.  Surely your husband understands your fears for your mum and you weren't suggesting something totally bizarre!  I do hope things have settled down a bit - as has been said when worries are running riot everyone can be living on their nerves and things can blow up very quickly.  If your husband was full of worries for the situation too I can understand it was like a spark to a fire!  Deep breaths all around and I very much hope that it has blown over.  You need to be pulling together on this not arguing about a tattoo!   By the way I think it  is a lovely idea (and I am not a tattoo person).  I am so sorry that you are having so much worry.  Annie