I know it's horrible. It's pretty much the worst thing to go through, losing someone you are so close to. I never thought about losing my mum. I couldn't. So I just enjoyed while I could. She had a terminal diagnosis in February, but no one told us how long she had, only that she wasn't eligible for treatment due to her health. I thought we would have a lot more time together. The last time I saw her and had a normal conversation was on a Thursday. On the Sunday she went into respiratory failure and the last two weeks of her life she was just hanging on. I went through all the anticipatory grief. Tried to make supper one night and just cried hysterically for an hour. I have a small family, no dad, so she was a big part of my life. I lost her May 17th. It's horrible. It's the worst pain imaginable. But as hard as it is to believe or imagine, somehow we survive this. I'm not sure the pain ever goes away, but something in the universe allows us to get brief little breaks from the enormous suffering. Some days I feel ok, some days I feel quite good. Other days I'm in the pits of despair. 

I wish you all the best and hope that you have other friends and family to support you through this incredibly painful time.

thank u so much for your kind reply and so sorry to hear about your dear mum .. finding it really hard today just feel so angry amd want to argue with everyone and really want to be on my own and not be around nobody amd my mum is still jear at the moment they say 2/3 months is been 6 weeks today i really wamted to talk to my mum today as she the only one om this planet tjat umderstands me i.e agrees with me .lol ..but i cant is crazy she in no pain atall but yet is so frail i look at her and it kills me how much i love this women and cant imagine doing life without her i havent been the best son in the world ober the years and guilt and remorse is killing me we think we have so much time in life and we really dont god .i feel so depressed having crazy thoughts that are scareing me just dont want to live wothout my mum ..im 38years old and maybe should be more grown up i dont no ..but just cant help how i feel and yet right hear right now she is still alive ..but my mum went 5 weeks ago she aint the person she was and i no im greiving her already just dreading when the day comes ive always beem religious and beleaved in god bit now my faith has just completly gone i argue with my patner just want to be on my own and i dont think no one can understamd unless is there own mum they can say they feel ya pain but i dont think they can im worried for the future my two sisters my children iff i had no.one it would be easy but i got people that love me and makes it harder ..sorry do t no were im going with this just feel unbearable pain and yet when im around my family i try and be the joker and on the outside it looks like im ok but im not im far from it my patner says im selfish but there is not 1 person on this planet that eaither comes in a mile to my mum looseing her is like looseing myself im so sorry to bore u with my crap ..thank u for replying to me it means alot godbless u ..your friend dave .x

The anger is totally normal. During my moms last two weeks of life, I was on the roller coaster from hell. One minute I thought maybe she wasn't on deaths doorstep, and then the next I thought I was going to lose her the next day! I honestly felt like I was completely alone, that I had no friends that could possibly understand. In fact, during this hellish time, not one friend called me up to see how I was doing. I got a couple of Facebook messages inquiring, as I had posted saying that I might lose her. I really felt like I was DONE with people. Apart from my lovely boyfriend. He was an amazing strength that pulled me through the hell. I was in tears a lot of the time, and he'd take me out for ice cream, or for a walk. What ever I wanted or needed. He was there for me, and for that I will be eternally grateful. 

However, when my mom passed, I immediately recieved a lot of support from most people I know. Cards, flowers, phone calls, messages, even a donation along with kind notes from my boyfriends colleagues. I learned that actually a lot of people have lost a parent, and they completely understand what we go through and they reach out their hands and help us along. I had a whole new appreciation for the kind people in my life, and I also learned that some people aren't really friends at all. it was an incredible learning experience. 

I'm sorry that you are feeling like you have to put on a happy face for the world. That sounds very hard. I withdrew from everyone except my boyfriend, for the very reason that there was absolutely no way in hell I was going to try and have a civilized happy smiley meal with friends when I was in the depths of despair. I didn't think I'd ever socialize again. But the day came, when I managed to see some friends. And then a few more. 

I understand the anger and bitterness all too well. Why does the universe have to take the people we are closest to? 

Stay strong my friend, it's not easy. Take one day at a time, hang on to your loved ones for support and don't feel like you have to be cheerful for anyone. You be you and do what you need to do to get through this. If it's a day for yourself where you do things that make you happy, do it. Movies, music, walks - whatever you enjoy. These brief little times for ourselves are like recharging the battery. You'll need all the help you can get to get through this. But you will get through it. 

All the best. 

u just bought tears to my eyes ..thank u so much for your kind words means so much ..i will keep u updated on everything godbless u ...your kind words means alot ..thank u 

my mum went on 24th sep ..this pain is unbearable is been 17 days now simce she passed funeral has been an gone and now suppose to just crack on with life ..well thats impossible life will never be the same again ever my heart as been ripped in two i feel dead inside my whole world has gone my mum was my life my everything my world god i love this women with every part off me i just wanna be with her now so badly im so scared feel like i cant breathe