Hospital Discharge and Reality

Seems to me to be a total disconnect between in-patient care and so called "community". I wonder if hospitals actually know the reality of what terminally ill people face on discharge home?

My wife (see other Posts) was discharged one week ago. The Report and Letter to GP made assumptions such as "social care to be intensively involved for safe discharge", "community referral sent by palliative care team" and "3/day package of care for home". Needless to say, what little of this has happened has been less than helpful. I cannot see that it will improve. One community nurse visit - focussed on incontinence pads. One GP visit - seemed to want to ask mainly about resuscitation wishes - and no-one has yet managed to get her openly to acknowledge the terminal nature of her condition - at a terribly inconvenient time. She is on the MacMillan Community Nurse waiting list, but apparently GP doesn't want this until she is "receptive" - of what I'm not sure. And home care nil.

The GP stronly hinted "weeks", but I do not know what the downward stages might be, how to recognise them  nor what my responses should be. Brutally, I assume that once she is screaming in pain I phone 999. 

Simple cost pressures to free up beds I guess.

  • Thank you LJ. Your clear-minded rationality shines through yet again.YES we should address these issues when we are capable of so doing with a sound mind - but then many people consider even making a Will somehow highlights their mortality and put it off until too late.

    I shall have to say something about Hospice appointment - for now I'm describing it as an out-patients follow up to her time in hospital. I'm expecting a GP visit today - Community Nurse felt this important and is chasing. Usual man is a little on the blunt side so may or may not help - all depends on J's mood. Possible that Hospice will pitch a stay as a week to assess if on best medication (may be just what it is) and if so I shall add that also an element of respite (for me) care.

    Playing games doesn't seem right to me but if that's what it takes..... 

    A troublesome week I expect.

    My thanks and good wishes.

  • I guess "support" is in indirect proportion to time left. Suddenly Soc Carers, OT professionals, Comm Nurses and GP give the impression of filling the house. GP today said "so frail" will likely "passs away quite soon". I take that to mean days, although knowing J as I do I think he underestimates her core strength. A week or two maybe?  Concerned that no DNR so he took it upon himself to do one p/p J and had me collect it from the Surgery within a couple of hours. I and our daughter in full agreement - the stats on CPR and terminally ill patients are absolutely clear that it is nearly always little short of torture. 

    Wonder if will even make it to Hospice assessment tomorrow.

    I mistrust cliches but blessed release come to mind. 

  • "Wonder if will even make it to Hospice assessment tomorrow."

    A moment of prescience. Ambulance crew decided that could not transport J by wheelchair - too weak, no abilty to bear any load. So missed her appointment and Hospice trying to sort out alternative(s). And trying to contact GP to get his assessment - depsite fact that saw her yesterday - as to whether or not requires admission now. But no beds....

    Back to going round in circles....

  • To conclude......my wife transferred to the Hospice on Wednesday. A lovely place. She worsened very rapidly, but their care was exemplary - kind and effective. Amazingly, our children's visiting coincided for about 30 minutes yesterday and in that time J simply died, as peacefully as I can imagine such events ever are, with us all holding her hands. A nurse looked in on us and told us - we wouldn't have known -  "....a few minutes...." and so it was. It almost seemed that J knew we were all together and breathed her last accordingly. A hard and determined woman to the last. After 48 years I shall miss her - I already find myself thinking "....I must tell J that....".

    So, over 5 weeks at home as she wanted and only 4 nights in the Hospice. Given her medical needs at the end we think that this was the best possible route to an inevitable outcome. We none of us feel other than sadness - no guilt, no remorse. 

    I can wish no gentler end to or for anyone, patient or family, in a similar situation.

  • My condolences dj, to you and your family.

     

    Best Regards

    Taff

  • Very touching. Condolences to you and yours.

    regards, gamechanger

  • Hi dj,

    I am so relieved for you all that she got to leave this earth in a way that suited both her, and you and that it was peaceful for her.

    It does sound like she knew everyone was there and picked a very loving time to go.  You have done the most amazing job fighting for and caring for her despite the ridiculous setbacks.

    I am gutted for you and your family that you have lost this formidable sounding woman from your lives, but just so relieved for you that it was the way it was in the end.  Will be keeping you in my thoughts as you go through the grieving process, and remember to keep taking care of yourself.

    My condolences to the whole family.

    LJx

  • So pleased that your wife's end was so well managed and pain free. 

    Best wishes and condolences to you and your family.

    Dave 

  • Again, thank you LJ. We think that we have to focus on the fact that it ended the way it did - the end (as it is of course for everyone) was inevitable - could have been so very much worse, even in what is termed "the first world". J was 73 and that for whatever reason was longevity in her family. She led a full and often risky life - travelling was her love and I've tried to count the number of countries she visited. A lot!

    I'm not sure I do "grieving". Miss and remember more me (and her for that matter). Life is what it is. 

    Family motto "take it easy - but take it!"

    My very best wishes to you and yours also.