What else can I do to support my wife?

Last week we found out that my wife has got lung cancer, we have made a couple of visits and have been told that there is a primary tumor in my wife's left lung approx. 6cm in size and a small amount of cancer cells scattered around both lungs, there is also a tumor of approx. 1cm in the left uppermost part of my wife's brain with also a small amount of cancer cells scattered around. My wife has had a lung capacity test and OPS and show no physical signs of the disease apart from the scans showing the tumors, mentally she is suffering from slight memory loss and is aware of this, she has a mild cough on waking in the morning but otherwise fine, she is eating normally and feels no discomfort. We are attending hospital in the next coule of days for a biopsy to determine the type of treatment best suited although we may not get the results for about 10 days. We are both trying to be positive and I try to keep her moral raised, we have had everything explained to us by some great support doctors and nurses, so, as we continue on this pathway I would like some advice on how to support to her the best that I can.

  • Hello Johnfb62.  So sorry to learn of your wife's cancer and bless you for wanting to find out how to help her in the best way you can.  I am sure you will realise that different people are looking for different things from their nearest and dearest so I cannot give you every perspective.  I must start by saying I have not had cancer but have cared for others who have.  And I tried to follow their lead in what they wanted.  Some complained that they were no longer being treated as the human being they had been before the diagnosis; they felt that people were kind of mentally tiptoeing around them.  It helps that you are getting the medical information together so you are both reading from the same songsheet so to speak and again you should try to follow your wife's wishes about how much she wants to discuss the ins and outs.  Be romantic; surprise your wife with little gifts.  And be patient; your wife has a lot to come to terms with (as do you).  Does your wife want to see and talk to family and friends; if so, ask them to pop round.  If not, ask what level of contact she would like.  I suppose a lot of this is obvious; basically make your wife feel supported and still the lovely lady you have always adored.

    Others may suggest other things from their own experiences.  I do hope you and your wife get through this without too much difficulty.  Glad that you are getting such good treatment. I am attaching a link about coping with cancer for caregivers.  Some of the things suggested will not apply to you as a husband but I think some of them may be helpful.

    www.cancerresearchuk.org/.../how-support-someone-with-cancer

    Best wishes. Annie