Dear Annieliz,

Thank you so much. I followed the link and I could definitely use the support on the MacMillan site.

All the Best,

Northern

Hello Northern. I know how hard this is. I was with my mother when she got the stage 4 cancer diagnosis in February. We were told she wasn’t a good candidate for chemo either.

I cried every day for a month. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was going to lose her, and how this was the worst news I could have ever imagined.

But in March I went on a vacation that I had planned for months. It wasn’t cheap, and so I forced myself to enjoy every single second of it. Being at the ocean, in warm weather and sun after a long winter was exactly what I needed to recharge my battery. 

When I got back, I had more energy to face the situation. I found that I was able to just enjoy hanging out with my mother. We acted like everything was normal, and still had hope that maybe it could be treated to slow it down. 

I didn’t even know what anticipatory grief was until a few weeks ago when I was finally faced with the very real prospect of losing her. It was then that I learned how important it is to take care of yourself. So I started going for walks, watching funny movies, getting 8 hours of sleep each night, eating enough etc. It’s vital that you take care of you.

I hope you have some kind friends and family to help support you through this difficult time. 

Dear Serapine,

Thank you for your kind words of inspiration. I really need to start living again. I think I'm obsessed with spending every moment of my free time with my mother. Ugh. It's so frustrating, but I guess it won't hurt for me to live and laugh a little. She told me that it hurts her to know that I'm hurting, so I need to try harder to push through this.

Thank you

Hi Northern,

At the risk of over-reacting, if things get too difficult talk to someone about how you feel. These guys might be able to help if things get too bad http://www.samaritansusa.org/

I know from experience that losing a parent to cancer is almost as bad as it gets. Ask yourself how she would want you to act. Under these circumstances depression and anxiety are only natural reactions - it would be more worrying if you didn't feel that way. 

Cut yourself some slack, you're doing the best you can. Living in the moment works for a while, all you can do is take things just one day at a time, keep eating and sleeping (even if both seem impossible) and somehow or other you will pull through.

Good luck!

Dave

Hi northern, 

I’m afraid I don’t have any advice but I’m going through the same thing right now so I just wanted to say I understand. I also feel like I’m not coping but I’m also having to pretend to people on a daily basis that I am. It’s so very hard. Sorry I don’t have any advice but I wish you all the best to get through this dreadful time.

Northern, you are so welcome! I'm so glad that my words could help you, even if just in a small way. My mom kind of lived vicariously through me while she was stuck in the hospital. When she was in the ICU and hooked up to oxygen masks, IV, and everything, I leaned into her and told her that I'd gone to a movie the night before. She perked right up! She wanted to hear about it. Afterwards she said that she thought that she would really like to see it!. 

Thank you Dave.

Hi MrsMarvel,

Thank you for your reply and your understanding. Just hearing from others helps me to feel better. I'm sorry to hear that you are going through the same thing. It is a very rough existence. I also put on a brave face everyday, but I'm dying inside. No one at my workplace knows whats going on. I hope you can find some comfort somehow.

My best,

Northern

Omg this has realy got to me made me cry brought it all back i just want to hug you help yoiyoi somehow but no i cant take ypur pain aeay but am here as a freind lisner i would love to chat help you and help me thanks chris