Here goes......Help please....

Just received some devastating news about my husband. He does not know yet. I am the only one. How do I proceed. I need to be able to tell others soon. I know there is a protocol and we will be getting the biopsy results soon. Then it will all kick in. How do I keep calm? 

  • Boggit

    welcome to the forum and sorry to hear about your husband

    your post is very cryptic so it impossible to offer accurate advice so let me try and break this down as much as I can

    getting a diagnosis is the middle of this process (The testing being the start) you still have a fair way to go to figure out the extent, the resulting treatment and any impact.

    however having not yet received the result of a biopsy yet, it’s difficult to understand what you know that has brought you to your conclusion

    as for telling others, this is less important as there are a few things you to might need to get an understanding on between yourselves first.

    1. Talk about this with each other and be honest with each other

    2. Understand what you are dealing with and the impact of any treatment.

    3. If you are going to go public, do you know enough to answer all their questions, it might be easier to select a few close family members at the start

    4. Think about the impact of immediate family, sons, daughters and especially if they are young .... you may want a period of trying to deal with this as a family before any children are bombarded internally in the family and externally outside the family.

    having been diagnosed In the lead up to my daughters GCSE’s in April and entering treatment two weeks after she finished in mid June, it was imperative that this information did not get out.

    we only told my wife’s parents as she needed someone to talk to as opposed to me.

    Having been diagnosed 28th April we then told the kids 13th June, close family the following weeken and then a week later close friends, back in 2014.

    the benefit of waiting was that when we told everyone I was not only able to tell them what I had, but the treatment, when it was going to happen, it’s impact and how we were planning to deal with it. ..... I understand though that this may not work for everyone.

    my advice to you is that only being at the stage of a biopsy result is wait a bit to get a better understanding of what you are dealing with, but think about who you can talk to in confidence apart from your husband as this will impact you and sometimes everything will be about what your husband is going through and you get forgotten

    i hope I have been of some help and please let us know how you get on

    vatch