Hi panda ...

Bless her, at that age, l can understand what she thinks ... she may not want or feel strong enough to go through treatment ... l know this is probably hard to hear, but it takes a lot out of young fit ones ... I've found it really hard sometimes at 63 ... and I'm now living in the day, and enjoying each day ... weather long or short ... 

If she wanted treatment then l would say go find it ... but sometimes as hard as it is, you have to respect what they say ... and some people can go on for quite a while ... when my dad died, they found a huge cancer in his stomach they thought was a hernia... he'd had it for years ... I'm so glad he never went through operations and chemo ... he was about the same age ...  

I know this is hard, we want to hold on to them no matter what ... but would you really want to see her go through that ... this is just my feelings ... hopefully others will help you with their thoughts ...

Take care ... big hug .... Chrissy

Hi Amanda. . Now I get a clearer picture ... l misread some of your thread... l read it you wanted her to have treatment and was upset at Drs for not doing that.. 

L now understand, bless ya... you need help, as you don't just want her put a home .  That is so lovely .. now maybe l can help a tad ... l used to do volunteer work for McMillan, l used to go round a sit with someone with cancer who couldn't get out ... and find out what they needed extra .... maybe a stuck window ... moving something ... a bit of shopping .... l had to stop that, when my sisters dementia got worse and needed to see her more ..

..now l don't know how many areas do this, but l do know if you call them and explain your situation they may have or know where to go to get help ... she may be entitled to more benefit, which will help if you need someone to do shopping etc (carers alowance) and l know my niece got extra benefit for my sis ... 

So write down what would help... give them a ring... they will get the right people to call back ... keep pen and paper handy ... ask them about all organisation that can help you keep her at home ...safely ...the trouble is, no one offers advice about help... you have to search but it is worth it ...

I'm so so sorry l got the wrong end of the thread ... l hope this helps more ... let me know, if it helps ... big hug ... l bet she's so so proud of you ... but remember you need a brake too ... look after your self too ... big hug Chrissie 

Welcome to the forum Amanda although I'm sorry for the reason you are posting.

In addition to Chriss's recommendation of getting in touch with Macmillan, I just wanted to share some information we have on our website about support you can get home for you and your family when someone has cancer which you can have a look at just here. We have some tips and advice on how to look after yourself when caring for someone with cancer as well as it can be tough and you will need a break from time to time so do have a look when you get a chance.

I hope this helps somewhat Amanda and that you are able to get the practical support you need at this time.

Kind regards, 

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator