my mother was diagnosed with advanced serous carcinosarcoma likely of ovarian origin about 6 weeks ago after calling 111 with a pain in her stomach.
in 6 weeks she has gone from my darling mother to a skeleton, only able to blink her eyes. I don’t recognise the woman lying in the bed in front of me.
she hasn’t had liquids for 6 days or food for 10 and so I know the end is near. Her breaths have larger gaps in between. I keep thinking the next breath will be her last but she keeps on going. I think the water retention is keeping her body alive. I can’t bear to see her like this, unable to move, talk, only blink. I know she can hear us and I think it must be torture for her. I can’t bear it.
I gave birth to her first grandchild 4 months ago and it is torture to go from joy to misery and back again as I flip between my daughter and my mother. My father and I are caring for her at home with the support of the wonderful district nurses and hospice at home. It’s so hard. I want all of our suffering to end, most of all my mother’s.
