Hello all,

My mother is in her early 60s and last week was told she has esophageal cancer (she still needs to take all the exams to properly determine what stage she’s at etc). She’s always been an independent woman, had a successful career and was about to retire. However she’s also lived alone since her divorce some 10 years ago, but hasn’t found anyone else in her life and that was her own choice. 

Since coming back from uni 2 years ago I’ve been seeing her once a week for lunch as she lives very close to me so, though now I feel I should have seen her more often. 

I’m now in my early 20s and have found a job where they told me I could take as much time off as necessary to spend time with my mom should it be needed. Now I’m faced with a dilemma: keep the positive attitude and thus not force my help onto her (by spending more time with her than she’s “used” to) as that would probably make her feel that I pity her; on the other hand while we still don’t know the exact diagnosis I already noticed her weight loss and difficulty eating so I know it’s not looking good and want to spend as much time with her as possible.

I’ve read a lot of success stories and we might still have a long time ahead of us before she leaves us but I’m considering the worst case scenario to avoid any regrets in the future. What should I do as I’m really lost right now...

PS: another issue we will come across (and this is my mother bringing it up) is that of inheritance. You see, she’s been saving up a lot in her life to leave my brother and I with something we could rely on should times be difficult. Unfortunately being from another country and living abroad there are things she needs to take care of over there and my presence is necessary (travelling for me isn’t an issue though). I’ve read that travelling can be dangerous while undergoing cancer treatment and I know it would break her heart to know that all the things she’s worked for could be lost because she didn’t have enough time to deal with all the paperwork etc. I’m just trying to find ways to help her out with all this...