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JulianaT
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Hello everyone

I do not know how to start this outburst ... I just think I need to share what I'm feeling. Well my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago, it is a rarer type than the common, known as triple negative. Since she started the treatment it has been growing very fast and is already about 13cm. Even though knowing that her chance of surviving this is all too great, I feel weak, sad and hopeless. She tried three different treatments and none had positive results ... Today when I was in college she called me saying that she had been hospitalized because she was too weak and had to strengthen herself to have a radiotherapy treatment; but even knowing that this treatment is much more effective than other types I have no faith that it will look good. Part of me says that I have to believe that everything will be fine, but another part tells me that I must wait for the worst.
I do not know what to do and how to think, I feel like crying but the tears do not fall

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    Hi Juliana,

    I see that you are fairly new to the forum so I extend a very warm welcome to Cancer Chat. I am so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis and of how you are both coping. My mum had breast cancer and died of it 20 years ago. She had it for 12 years and it was only in her last  year that she went downhill fast. She developed metastases in her finaI year and it spread to her brain, bones, liver and lungs. I have also had 2 bouts of Mucosal cancer, also a rare type. I was first diagnosed 8 years ago and the second bout was found 7 years ago.

    It is true that a Cancer diagnosis was once an almost certain death sentence, but now, instead of dying with cancer, many people are living with it. I have cared for both of my parents, several family members and close friends, but I have seen tremendous strides made in treatment and after care since I myself was diagnosed. Our friends at cancer research work tirelessly to improve cancer treatments and, I for one, am very grateful to them.

    I am sorry to hear that none of the treatments your mum has tried have worked for her and that she now has to build herself up for radiotherapy. This is a difficult time for both of you. Do you have support from other family members or are you an only one? You must be finding it hard to keep up with your college studies at the same time as dealing with all that is happening.

    It is not easy to be positive all the time, but try your best to make memories with your mum while she is well enough to do so. Talk to her, tell her how much you love her, ask if there is anyone she'd like to see or any place she'd like to visit. See that she is as comfortable as possible and that her pain meds are controlling her pain properly.

    If you feel that her health is deteriorating, then have a word with her doctors, if she is happy enough for you to do this. They will give you a prognosis if you ask for one. This may not be 100% accurate, as it is really only a 'guesstimate' on behalf of the doctors, but it can help you to know if your mum's time is limited.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how she gets on in hospital. Remember that we are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hi there,

    I understand how you feel. My dad has been diagnosed with a rare form of stomach cancer which is growing rapidly, even throughout treatment. Operating isn't an option and radiotherapy isn't possible.

    Your feelings, no matter what they are, are entirely valid. You can feel any way you want to feel, there is no right or wrong with this. Some people are in floods of tears, some feel numb, some cannot cry. We're all humans, but we cope with things in different ways. With me I sometimes cannot find the tears and sometimes I'm inconsolable and cannot even string some words together.

    I understand how you feel about whether to feel positive about things being fine, or to wait for the worst. I find myself in this same predicament. Do I think positively, or do I think about the worst? The truth is, again, there's no right or wrong way to think. Do what you need to get you through the day. One day you may fear the worst, one day you may feel positive. Don't fight how you feel, accept it. If you feel the tears cannot fall, that's fine. Cherish the positive days you may have, because for some people these are few and far between, and accept the bad days. 

    Take each day as it comes, try not to think about the future because we don't know what it will bring. We can torment ourselves with what could be, or what won't be, but this just works us into a frenzy of emotions.

    Keep your chin up, feel how you feel and accept each day as it comes. You, your mum and my family are in my thoughts and I hope that everything goes as well as it can. I am always here if you need a chat.

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