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My dad has cancer.

Danxx
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Hi, I don’t even know if anyone will read this & this is my first time posting on anything like this.. but here goes.

My dad was recently diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour & stage 4 lung cancer. He was offered chemotherapy but refused treatment as he didn’t want to risk it and get any more ill than he already was. Since being diagnosed we have noticed more and more things that are wrong with him. Severe coughing, thrush in his mouth, several different issues. In recent days he hasn’t been eating very much and walking up stairs is causing him great pain. His legs are getting weaker and even though he knows this himself he still insists on doing things that are making him breathless & sore. He has also been getting quite agiated & angry towards my mother and I and we are finding this quite difficult to cope with. 

My dads plan is to die at home, the doctor gave him 3 months with the type of cancer he has, I am worried about not seeing the signs of when he is coming to his final few weeks. I’m also worried he won’t stop doing all these things that are making him more unwell. 

I am my dads full time carer now as I didn’t want my mum to give up her job as I knew she would need something to take her mind off what is happening at home. I am only 21 and sometimes feel like I’m having to be the adult to my mum. She hasn’t been taking it very well. The only time I ever think about it or can think about it really.. is at night time when no one else is around. 

I don’t want to think about the fact my dad is going to die. But sometimes I catch myself thinking just go already. And you can’t imagine the guilt I feel when I do think that, but I just don’t want him to be in pain & I hate the torture of knowing it could happen at any time. I couldn’t even imagine what he is thinking.

I just wanted to know if anyone has any advice or support for me as I can’t go to my mum as she would just get upset. Even any kind of advice to know when he is coming to his last few weeks. 

Cancer is so scary & I wish I could take it from him and go through it myself. 

Thanks for listening. 

 

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    Hi, Danxx, I am so so sorry to hear about your dad. I've been in a similiar situation with my godfather (not exactly like your situation, but similar).

    My godfather was diagnosed with colon cancer a few years back, and now it's past stage four and he has been put on hospice. My dad is taking it pretty hard considering it's his best friend. It is never easy seeing someone you know and love go through this, but just know you're not alone.

    I think they best thing you can do is talk to your dad, let him know you love him, try to make him as comfortable as possible without overworking yourself. The situation is hard on you too and I'm sure he understands this. I would spend some time with him outside of just being his carer. Watch his favorite movie with him, listen to music, whatever you'd like, just something that you can both enjoy without it being too hard on him and yourself. It really helps having good memories of him. 

    I am not too good with words, but consdering I am almost in the same boat, I thought I might try to help. I am sincerely sorry about your father, but maybe things will brighten up. Never lose hope.

    -Em xx

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    I'm so sorry to hear your Dad is so ill.  My hubby has stage 4 lung cancer and unfortunately men still need to feel in control, this is why he is angry.  Just leave him and let him do his own thing even if you are not happy with it.  He's losing control of his life, that's hard.  Mc Millan nurses will help you cope, speak to them for advice,  don't struggle on your own.  My thoughts are with you.  Caz

  • Offline in reply to em3828

    Thankyou so much for your kind words. 

    I am trying to spend as much time possible but activities that he enjoyed beforehand aren’t his favourite past times now. But I will definitely look into things that he would enjoy more now. 

    I really appreciate everything you have said. 

    Thankyou so much

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