Hello Givemestrength and welcome to the forum. Your husband sounds amazing in his determination to keep working when he can.  And you are helping him to do what he feels is right for him.   Talk to yourself as much as you want if it helps you; there are no rights or wrongs in this kind of situation.  If the palliative nurses are coming in to see him - if he is not at work! - talk to them about how they think things will proceed.  Follow his lead about how he wants it treated and just say what you feel when you don't know what else to say.  I am sure it is scary - when you are thrown into this kind of situation you can but do your best.  To get a bit of support for yourself you could ring MacMillan Cancer Support (Freefone 0808 808 0000) who are a useful source of help.  Best wishes.  Annie

Hi!  I haven't been on this since the 4th and was very happy to see your comments,...my husband is going about his business as usual even though his body says not to.  He goes to work faithfully everyday and complains like whatever he has is a current pain and will go away.  He got angry at me the other day when I refused to spend $500.00 on extending the life of our 12 year old air-conditioner to boost it's life.  The truth is, we only use it about 3-4 months of the year and it's lifespan is about 14-16.  My husband is an easy sell and I told him it wasn't necessary.  He responded with,..."Ya think I'm not going to live that long"?  He was angry!!  That is true, did not respond to that part of it, however, because he is an easy sell and after doing my own research, I found out it wasn't necessary!!!  My husband is very smart and is very good at living in denial about most things.  I told him the other night, "You can be as angry as you want, but PLEASE DO NOT TAKE IT OUT ON ME"!  This morning he was talking about paying money for "cheap" airline tickets to visit friends when it gets warmer  I told him I would rather drive (10 hours).  The truth is, I do not care how CHEAP,..I feel like we will have more control if we drive.  I have friends who have cancer and who have had cancer.  I know how they think; nobody with pancreatic cancer and everyone who know, knows someone who died.  (except 1)  I would like to talk to the doctor face to face, but my husband will get suspicious and feel excluded.  Thanks for talking to me.  :)

Hello; sorry to have disappeared for a while - a week's break from home was elongated by a back injury which is gradually improving.   I think you are not alone in the way you are suffering.  I have known cancer patients - in varying degrees of denial - who have been absolutely awful to their nearest and dearest - then sometimes denying that anything of the sort ever took place.  I understand denial - I guess we are all capable of it in certain circumstances - but it just heaps extra pain on the people who are caring for them and loving them.  I am wondering - and it is easy for me to wonder as I don't have to suffer the consequences - if you tried to tell your husband that you love him and will always support him whatever he wishes but are worried so please would he allow you to sit in with the doctor and himself when he next visits.  You may have the same situation as we have here - patient confidentiality means that the doctor will not give you much information unless the patient agrees (or is no longer capable of making a rational decision - I don't know who decides what is rational or not!).  It is too easy to make suggestions to others and only you know your husband's likely reactions.  I do feel you could use some support for yourself - family and friends or professional help.  It must be so difficult for you.  Annie