Hello Jewman720.  How thoughtful it was of you to respond to the post from Sarah720 - I have just come from there - when you are suffering so much yourself.  It can be difficult, even for experienced doctors, to know for how long a patient may live but I would think, from your own description in your post, it may not be a lot longer now.  This can be so unpredictable; my son flew in from New Zealand to see his dad who had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer; on arrival in London he spoke to his dad in the west country and arranged to drive down the next day.  A quite long, totally coherent conversation.  6am the next morning a phone call - his father had died in his sleep.   (I determinedly held to the view that his dad - knowing our son had travelled across the world to be with him and having had a long conversation with him - felt able to let go.)   I can understand your conflict - not wanting to lose your dad but at the same time not wanting him to continue suffering.  I don't think anybody has the answers when it comes to our loved ones going through this.  I have often pondered the great joy of having loving parents, partners, children when set against the terrible distress when we lose them.  No answers. 

Be kind to yourself; we all go through total confusion in these circumstances.  So good you are holding an early wedding ceremony for your dad - that will make him very happy I am sure.  Please continue to come here and talk about your dad as much as you want (or as little as you want!).  Everyone here has  had some personal experience of cancer - cancer survivors, people going through treatment, people who have cared for family and friends with cancer - I come into this last category (too often!) and so we will understand your feelings and confusion.  Best wishes.  Annie

Hi Jewman88, 

I feel bad for your dad and clearly understand your situation as well as frustration. I have been taking care of my mom who is suffering from Gall Bladder Cancer Stage 4 and as per doctors have few months to live. 

This is completely normal to feel frustrated to see your loved ones travel the last few days because these days are mostly not joyful and may be very painful for your loved ones. From my experience I can say that no body can predict the exact timeframe for any body's life. I request you to please concentrate on giving him the best treatment and care. Sometimes you may feel that it is better if he leaves the world for his heavenly abode, and that is perfectly normal because it is disheartening to see loved ones in severe pain. 

Wish him recovery. 

Hi Jewman,

What an unfortunate predicament you find yourself in.

My mum had breast cancer for 12 years. In her final year this had spread to her liver, lungs, brain and bone and it was heart-breaking to watch her deteriorate so quickly. Despite the pain she was in, she could recognize and talk to all the family until a few hours before she died.

Is your dad aware that you are bringing the wedding forward?  If so, I’m hopeful that he manages to be part of it all. I’m sure that this will be a much quieter event than you had planned for October, but it is important to have the people you love there to witness such an occasion.

You say that your dad has a hospital bed and that the hospice is involved in his care. We have the same in place for my mother-in-law at present. We have carers coming in to attend to her 4 times a day and the social worker was suggesting sending in someone from the hospice to sit with her to allow my 96 year old father-in-law to get a little sleep during the night. Could you maybe arrange something like this for your dad?

Many of us welcome death for a loved one, because we know that they are no longer suffering and in pain, but we still have to go through the grieving process. The emotions you mention are all perfectly normal. I am glad that you felt a bit better for writing all this down. Many people feel a relief when they put everything down in writing.

Sadly, nobody can accurately predict when your dad will pass. This is a key question that we all want to know.  Doctors who know his case well, might try to put a time on things, but they are often way out in their predictions and at best, it is just a guesstimate.

Does your dad have a social worker or a specialist nurse? It might be worth talking to them about your tiredness. You cannot keep going with lack of sleep. I do hope that you can get some help sorted out.

In the meantime, I hope that the wedding ceremony goes well and that your dad is in one of his better frames of mind for this special occasion. I wish you and your bride to be every good wish for future happiness, despite the tragic circumstances of your wedding.

Please stay in touch and let us know how everything goes.

We are always here for you whenever you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine