Hello Angelflowers,

As I noticed this is your first post with us I just wanted to stop by and give you a warm welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad and that in addition to his illness you are dealing with so many stressful situations, it sounds like an incredibly difficult time so I'm glad you came to us as here I'm sure you'll find people who can relate to what you are going through and hopefully get to chat with some of them as talking does seem to help.

Until you receive a response from our lovely members feel free to post as much as you need, also, don't hesitate in joining any conversations taking place here. Our members are very friendly and I'm sure they'll be happy to chat with you.

Warm wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello Angel

  I am sorry your dad has this crap. Totally an emotional time . Just be there with him, at his side. When your able. My dad has nsclc lung cancer too.  

  He just wants reassurance that I will be here for him.  You will stop breaking down and it will become a new normal. Dad did great with chemo and Radiation no side effects. May your father be the same. 

Mainly remember to breathe.

Love talk and enjoy the time you are given with you dad. 

Tina

I can’t comment on the lady’s post so doing it through here xx. 

   My dads had his first chemo 2 weeks ago !

And his next one this week, he’s bald already bless him so wasn’t bothered about his hair,, but he has a beard and it falling out like mad !!  He just wanted to keep his beard  

I truly hate just been helpless that’s how I feel at the moment !! Not to mention broken but hun keep strong talk about the little one it will create a smile’ , I’m sure. 

    It’s one of the worst things I’ve personally ever had to deal with but the doctors are good praying for miracles

     Keep strong praying for you 

Hi there, 

You've come to the right place! There are wonderful people here going through the same/similar things and they've been so so good to me and no doubt you'll have some great support and advice from everyone. 

I totally understand how you're feeling at the moment, its dreadful. You've had lots of things happen at once so it's obviously all a huge shock and there's lots of uncertainty. That with caring for a little one is so hard. I cried for a few days, I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. 

I'm finding that taking one day at a time is really helping me, I've also found Macmillan to be really supportive. Even with things like your finances, they can help and advise, you can call them anytime with a problem and they will help you to resolve it. My friend [@Chrissie]‍ here has reccomended Marie Curie too and I am going to call them Monday so Id suggest you do the same. This is such an awful time for you, you need support too. With your dad I would just try to be there for him as much as you can. He will need you for practical things like taking him to appointments but your company will be the main thing. But you can only do as much as you can do and you do need to take care of yourself at the same time as looking after every body else. 

You will stop breaking down. It takes time to accept and like somebody else said it really does become your new normal. I had no experience of cancer at all until January and now it's our lives. I am so lucky though, my parents live 5 minutes away and my girls are in school full time so it's easy for me to care for my parents, having an hours drive would make things quite difficult. But speak to Macmillan and go from there lovely. Don't be afraid to post here whenever you want to. We are all here to help ok. Lots of love. Xxxxxx

Hi Angelflowers

I am so sorry about your dad. I find myself in a similar position with my Dad having palliative treatment to hopefully give him 6-9 months. He also lives away from us.

I I think it is perfectly normal to feel broken and cry. I am doing that a lot.

I am unsure about the chemo as my Dad is yet to face this. Radiotherapy next week then he starts the chemo. I find this a scary thought as it is the unknown. I guess it is just being there (this can be on the phone). Your dad will understand you have a little one to be a mummy to. 

It is surprising the strength we have without realising it, and crying or being upset doesn't show weakness. Just be you. Good luck and hugs x

Hi Mark, 

I am so so so sorry. Ive just been through your situation so let us know if you want to chat. 

XXXX

Thank you MiGi. I read your post above about it taking time to stop breaking down and to accept and becoming the new normal.

It does feel like being trapped in a strange state of mind. and I was wondering if I would feel like this forever. 

Something helped today. I wrote my dad a letter. I told him I loved him and hes not going through this alone and how grateful I was to have him in my life as my father. 

I didn't want to regret not telling him that. And it really helped. Being male Ive never been good at expressing emotions with him

Heya! 

Thats a brilliant idea you had to write your dad a letter. Guys express emotions in a different way generally. You’re so different to us girls. We hug and kiss, hold hands etc all the time and think nothing of it and the things we talk about and the detail we go into is just madness compared to you guys so it’s obviously then going to be so much harder for you when it comes to dealing with something like this. 

I would try not to bottle it up though and whether it’s on here or to a friend I would just try as much as you can to let out how you feel. 

Being totally honest you do feel trapped in a different state of mind for the whole time it’s going on. Then when they leave you it’s  a whole new state of mind. It’s a really odd experience and there’s nothing to compare it to. I think if I was you at the moment I’d stay in the moment as much as you can. Don’t worry about how you will feel in the future and don’t worry too much about how you feel now. Go with it and take it day by day. There is nothing you can do except be there and look after yourself too. 

Its been five months since I lost my dad and I’m still here and doing ok despite the pain so although at times I’ve felt absolutely dreadful, here I am! I hope that reassures you a little that you will be ok. Sending you hugs as I’m sure we all are here. Xxxxxxxx