Cancer Research UK main site

Advice please

Nick.w
Offline

Father in law has been diagnosed with liver cancer and seems to be in denial over it all.

My wife and sister in law haven't been allowed to go to any of his appointments and he's been very confusing over how serious it is, one minute he's got a 6 month expectancy the next he's got the all clear.

We've spoken to his cousin who went to the appointments with him and she's told us that he has HCC and the treatment he was on was causing too many side effects so he has been taken off.

In between asking and her answer FIL had told SIL not to believe anything she (the cousin) said.

Wife and SIL are obviously upset that he's been lying to them and conerned about how he is dealing with it with them. How can we broach it without upsetting him or them further ?

  • Offline

    Hello Nick.w. Sorry to read your distressing tale.  First thing, and pardon me for asking this, is he clear in his own mind?  Or do you just think he is deliberately lying because he doesn't want himself or anyone else to face up to this?  If the latter, I understand from a  previous discussion on this forum, he can tell the doctor not to tell anybody else in his family about his illness and the doctor has to respect this.  So it is something of an impasse.  This is not a situation of which I have any previous experience but I know that if I had the first thing  I would do would be to ring MacMillan Cancer Support who I am sure will be very experienced in this kind of situation.  (I have no personal connection with them, by the way although I admired how they helped with a cancer patient whom I knew.)  Their Freefone number is 0808 808 0000.

    Other posters on this forum, with their own varied experiences, may  have some suggestions of their own to make.  So I do hope  you get this resolved.    Annie

  • Offline in reply to Annieliz

    Near as I can figure he is probably trying to protect both of them. Definitely the type of person he is.

    Macmillan are on the to-do list but this only came to light last night after we'd put the kids to bed. So that'll have to wait until Monday. Long time believer in their work even though I have no previous experience with them.

    Was hoping someone might have been through a similar experience with a family member and be able to advise a non-confrontational approach. Or if it would just be better to rip the plaster off and bite the emotional bullet.

    With the kids we've already been through death of my dad with the eldest so grandpa can be joining grandad in the stars. The younger is too little so it won't affect him (just over 1).

    I think I've read the same post of the mother in law who's illness was only discovered towards the end.

    Thanks for the input, any and all help is appreciated

  • Offline in reply to Nick.w

    Hi again.  You may well find somebody here who has this experience.  There are quite a number of posters here and not everyone reads them in the first 24 hours so don't despair!

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.