Hi

i wanted to post a message to you as I lost my mum to stage 4 lung cancer last year. I know how incredibly tough it is and also to not know how long you have left with her. It sounds like you have had a tough time too with your last relationship. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have to say it was the hardest thing I ever went through, but to offer you some hope, it does get easier. I found speaking to a councillor incredibly helpful during my mums last months. It felt good to be able to talk through what I was selling/ scared off etc. I feel like it also helped me prepare for the end. I found this community massively helpful too.. it’s reassuring to know you are not alone. You can have all the family and friends in the world but sometimes articulating what you feel is hard and makes other uncomfortable. It’s also hard to ask those tough questions. 

My mum ended up lasting for 6 months despite a bleak diagnosis of 3-4 so try not to focus too much on time. I agonised over how often I should be there. What if the end came suddenly etc.. all I can say is trust your instinct, I knew the day before. Something told me it would be her last day.. she had declined to that point but there was also an acceptance in her and almost a readiness to go. The nursing team were great and ensured she was at home, comfortable etc. I would advise maybe getting in contact with a local hospice or McMillan team if you can. The McMillan team I had some exposure too where amazing and really helped all of us. 

Again, I want to send you lots of love, be strong for your son and yourself and feel free to message anytime. Love to you all x

Thank you. It really means a lot. It’s great to know I’m not alone. I’m trying hard to stay strong. I’m lucky in the fact my son is so young that she doesn’t understand what is going on so it isn’t really affecting him seeing me upset but it does mean I’m struggling to get up and do things I have to do. I’ve always suffered anxiety and depression as well so this is making me insane! I hate not knowing and the fact she is suffering hurts me so much. She’s never smoked or barely drank. It’s so scary and she’s trying so hard to stay strong but I know she is terrified too. We are both trying so hard to be strong as we won’t want to cry in front of one another. I’m definitely looking at finding a councillor to help me through it. 

She is busy sorting out her will, living will and making the safety adaptations to the house so she is in the best environment. We are planning on making the most of the time we have by making lots of memories. We have booked to go the zoo as well as coming to see my boy at his swimming lessons. We’re trying to keep our chin up but it is difficult.

Horrible thoughts keep popping into my head like she will never be at my wedding and if I have another child she will never get to meet him. I’m trying to forget about those thoughts and make the most of the time we have got left but of course some thoughts are hard to ignore.

Thank you for replying to me and taking your time out to read and help me. 

Dani