Hello Brondrum.  I don't have any magic wand to make your m-i-l speak with you about what is happening.  People are often secretive about their health and as you are not the closest of her relatives it is difficult for you to push for more information.  Does she appear to be deteriorating in her health?  Have you any solid grounds for your fears that your husband might consider?  The thing is that you m-i-l is entitled not to allow anyone else to be told about her health and if she does not choose to do so I don't know what you can do if her mental condition is sound.  Are you close to her?  Does she talk to you about things concerning herself?  Sorry this is more questions than answers but it is difficult to understand the family dynamics.  I can understand your worry if you think that your m-i-l is really ill and you are the only person who sees it but it may not be possible to do much at the moment.  Perhaps others have suggestions?

Normally she talks to me, my husband or his brother but every time one of us ask she says she is fine. She has had several blood transfusions due to her having low platelets and she is being treated in cancer wards but says everything is fine and all tests are clear. This has been going on for 2 years but only recently her health seems to be taken a turn for the worse and she is in hospital a lot just now but she said she didn't like the treatment doctors are offering but again won't tell us what the treatment is.  She bruises without anything happening to her, she is breathless and tired all the time and suffers from terrible headaches. I understand that she has the right to refuse treatments and to withhold information but we are a very close family and I wouldn't want her having to go through something like this and think she is all alone. We just want to be there for here like she is always there for us.

Bless you for getting back to me and answering the questions I posed.   You are obviously very concerned and it is a worry that her sons don't seem to notice what you see as her health going downhill at an accelerating rate.  With every question I ask I feel as though I am prying into your personal life and it goes against the grain to do this.  You can guess that I wonder why your husband does not discuss your fears meaningfully with you given the evidence that you see so clearly.  Because you cannot demand the information about her health it seems the only way out of this is for her sons to show how concerned they are about her - exceprt it seems that they are not concerned!    It is not uncommon (I have learned a lot from this forum) to be unable to accept that a loved one is becoming seriously and possibly life-threateningly ill; to go into denial seems to be the least painful way to go.  But you are so right that it is going to be storing up problems for the future.   How forcefully have you tried to tell her that you are extremely worried about her and let her know how it is affecting you not to know what is wrong and how you wish she would share this with you so that you can help her.  I also wonder - and this is a bit of a  long shot given that you have no absolute knowledge of the nature of her illness - if you would consider ringing MacMillan Cancer Support who have a wealth of knowledge about cancer-related questions and will doubtless have experience of people who get a cancer diagnosis and will not or do not feel able to talk about it to their family.  Their Freefone number is 0808 808 0000.

I am sorry I cannot give a definitive answer to the issues you have posed.  Please do continue to post and I am hoping someone else will also get back to you with different ideas that may help you.

Thank you for this.