Hi, I'm so sad at the moment, my mum is suffering so much I just can't cope with seeing her. She was diagnosed with a reoccurrence of her throat cancer last April and since then we have been on a roller coaster of chemo treatment, trying to get her imunotherapy and several blue light ambulance trips to the hospital with chest infections. I was caring for her at my home but when things became to much she went to the hospice. After several stays at the hospice and being told her death was iminant  she is still with us. Her mind is confused, her head and tongue are swollen, she can not eat and her hearing is minimal. The hospice wanted us to move her to a nursing home, which after much searching we did. Since moving her the pain has become worse, every time I visit her she is in a state of extreme distress. I wish I could end it for her, it's just so cruel. Now I feel like we shouldn't have moved her because at least she was more peaceful at the hospice. I am sitting here trying to pluck up the courage to go and see her. I feel sick at the thought. Our whole family is struggling with this but it's me they talk to, it's me that has to sort everything out and it's me that feels responsible for her demise. I'm a single mum with no partner to support me and I feel totally alone in all this. I realise that I'm rambling, maybe I just need to get this out. I'm already taking anti depressants and have been signed off work.  I feel like I just want to run away.....