Cancer Research UK main site

Mum's dying

tigernine
Offline

Hiya, I'm very new to this but I need somewhere where other people will understand. 

I'm 17, and my mum's been battling cancer for around 4 years now. It was diagnosed as incurable in July 2016, but for some reason I'm only just coming to terms with this. I have so many conflicted emotions, I'm angry, sad, crying all the time and still numb. I have no idea what to do with myself. 

Initially she just had womb cancer, but it metastasised to her lymph system and she has secondary tumours in one lung and I believe one on the liver. She's on PARP inhibitors, which were meant to control the spread but they're failing. She's still on them, and over the past month, her health has taken a massive turn for the worst. She's tired, being sick, and just generally unwell all the time. How do I help her out with any pain and with this? I help round the house but I don't know what else to do.

I'm sorry this has been quite heavy, but I'm really at a loss as to what to do with myself, none of my friends can understand this (not that I want them to) and it's all getting much too real much too quickly.

Thank you

  • Offline

    Hi tigermine... so sorry to hear what a sad time your going though at such a young age ... life is really cruel and there is no easy way through this journey... all I can say is I'm the mum / nanny with cancer and what helped my son and grandkids were for us all to live in the moment ... to make as many memories we can in every day wer still here ... 

    My son, like you found it really scary at first and he was texting and calling me all the time, until my daughter in law said ... o.k you have cancer, well stop saying what if , well stop looking ahead .. well take each day, and each problem as and when it comes , and we'll do it to gether , and it made a world of difference to all of us, and we pack each day to the full .. we admit it's scary, have lots of hugs and talk about anything ... and occasionally have a few tears too but to gether ...

    Everyone's journey is different, and this is only what helped me ... my little grand daughter makes me laugh all the time ... she always looked at the bright star in the sky and says that's my mummy (her great nanny) and she asked me if I'd be a star next to her one day , she's only 6 but she knows nanny has been very poorly, and she sees us all o.k, and she's so gently loving, it makes me stronger ...

    So hunny hold on in there, and hope you get others with help to get you through ... sending you a big hug Chrissie

  • Offline

    Hello, I am deeply sorry about your mom I understand that you are probably going through a lot right now. I am also 17 and my dad was diagnosed with kidney cancer December of last year, which I am now learning is terminal. I wish your family the best. I hope you spend as much time with them as you can and cherish every moment. I help my dad out with his pain by trying to ease his mind off of it. We talk about different things and try to keep a positive mindset. My heart goes out to you and your family -Ally

  • Offline in reply to Chriss
    I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis Chrissie. Living in the moment is mostly what we do - it's just very hard and scary. What sort of things do you think have been most helpful to you? I'm really at a loss as to what to try next, nothing seems to help her at all. Your grand daughter sounds very sweet, that's a very sweet thing of her to say. Thank you so much, you've been very kind and helped me out a lot xxx
  • Offline in reply to ally290

    Hiya Ally, I'm so so sorry to hear about your dad too. It's really rough isnt it? I wish you and your dad and family the best too, and I hope you can do the same with your dad. What things do you do to make the best memories? And how do you help with the pain, because I'm really struggling to ease my mum's symptoms. My heart goes to yours too, and I really hope that you're all doing okay (even though you're probably not, I hope that one day you will be) xx

  • Offline in reply to tigernine

    Sorry your mum's in so much pain .... if you ring McMillan, they have a free phone Monday to Friday and when my brother in law was in pain, they came out twice a day, and made him comfortable and were a great help to my sister, and listened to all her worries ... maybe it would help her, if they can get her pain under control, she may feel lot calmer ...

    Unfortunately every ones different, and what works for me is not for everyone ... my pain is under control so it makes things a lot easier .... if you get the chance for some counselling,  please take it ... ask McMillan if there's some in your area ... you just being there will help, and you need to take some time for you... a break will help you cope ... ask the nurses may have info to help, l know there's a chat room for teens, where there's others like yourself ... and there's always us, to listen and offer a shoulder to lean on ... 

    Thinking of you .... Chrissie xx 

  • Offline in reply to Chriss
    Thank you, I will defo try the phone line - that sounds like it could be something that might help and might also help us all to stop worrying about her when we’re all out. I’m having counselling at my sixth form at the moment, I’ve just started it so I hope it will help. I always feel quite guilty when I go away or anything like that, it sounds stupid but it’s just how it is for me at the moment. I’ll try and have some more time for me, I just seem to spend a lot of it worrying. I’m sorry I’m so moany at the moment Thank you so so much chrissie xxx

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.