Hello Petra,

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and that your husband went through this situation before dying.

Not being a medic I'm not really sure why things were carried as they were but if you feel like you have unanswered questions about how the system works why don't you give our team of nurses a phone call? They will back after the bank holiday and they can be reached at this phone number: 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday, between 9 a.m - 5 p.m.

If you find a moment, there is some information on our website about coping with grief, I'm linking the page here in case you want to read it.

Once again, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

Best wishes,

Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Petra

Wish there was something I could say to take the hurt and anger away at this very sad time for you. Firstly I offer my condolences even thoughI appreciate these may not mean much when I do not know you.  Secondly I recognise your distress as I too was let down by the 'out of hours service'.  However in our case it was not because of morphine administration as my husband's community nursing team made sure we always had regular visits to keep an eye on his pain levels in the final days.  My hubby chose to stay at home and was fortunate enough to have good regular team.  However he died 'out of hours' and it took over 7 hrs before the so called 'service' arrived to to confirm his passing and thus issue the necessary certificate. When they arrived, three came at once and all seemed at odds with each other.  It was horrid, undignified and also led to my making an official complaint.  Not something you really want to be doing when full of grief for a love lost. 

I do not wish to go into too many personal details but suffice to say there were mistakes made (administrative) which even though my hubby had been seen regularly in the final days by his own team, because of the out of hours 'blunder' we did have to go to the Coroner thus delaying his funeral by some weeks though we held an interim memorial service.  In the end the only good to come out of our situation was that complaining led to a change in the various areas which led to the errors made.  At the time (three years ago this coming week) my anger added to the distress of loss.

Please chat to the lovely nurses here if you need to talk things through further.  Sending virtual hugs at a very difficult time of grief.  Jules54

Thank you but no, they cannot help nor answer why things went the way they did. I shall be making my complaints in writing and have.started the ball rolling by writing to the Practice Manager at our GP's.

Hi Petra

I too made my  complaints in writing and over a period of three months following my hubby's death eventually had full answers and felt I had honoured his  memory by doing so . Going through the Coroner if it is necessary is not as stressful as I had imagined but in our case the unnecessary delay caused increased anger which for some time  interfered with our grieiving process.  If I learnt anything it was to question all aspects of procedures. Nothing changes the feelings of loss for a loved one but my anger and frustration got in the way of moving forward.  Without the support of this forum and the kind people running and using it I would have been  more of a lost soul I think.

I hope you get the response you need during what is the most difficult of times of grief and take support from those family and friends who offer it. Most of all be kind to yourself. Jules