Hello! I'm new to this forum, found it online looking for places to find support.
So, a bit of context. My dad was diagnosed in May 2012 with multiple myeloma. It was a surprise because he didn't have any simptoms, it was diagnosed by chance when his diabetologist was running a bunch of blood tests. He was always fine, drove himself to his chemo appointments and all, so it wasn't that hard to deal with. In early 2013 he had a SCT and a few months later was told he was in remission. Now, we were told from the start that this was a cancer that came back, so we knew it was going to happen but it's one of those things that always catches you off-guard I think.
Fast forward to the final days of September 2017, my dad is having severe back pain. One day he tells my mom to take him to the ER as he can't get out of bed. We were told it was probably a relapse from his MM so we called his oncologist right away and next week we were in his office. Long story short, he had 5 compression fractures in his vertebrae so he had to get surgery for that first. Right before his surgery he got a PET scan and it wasn't good. His spine lit up like crazy, and the doctor told us that meant he had a lot of cancerous cells in his bone marrow. Anyway, he got the surgery, recovered from the pain for the most part and it was back to the oncologist to start his treatment. However, he can't start just yet because he's risking kidney failure, so he's on some medicines and December 26th we're seeing his oncologist again to see if he can start chemo. He's optimistic that my dad can make it through again this time, but he wants to take a very aggressive route with his treatment because the cancer is very advanced.
I'm so scared he's not going to make it. Last time it felt like he didn't really have cancer, but now he's so frail and weak that I can't imagine him going through all of that again. I look at him and I don't see how his body can take all of this. I want to be there for him but all I can do is sit around and cry and it's hard to focus at work and life. I know the doctor says he's going to be fine but it seems like he's hiding things from us. Then again, my mom is the one who takes my dad to appointments so maybe she's the one not telling me things. I don't know. I don't even know which stage he's in but I'm assuming Stage 3 based on his simptoms and tests results. I just can't deal with my dad dying. He's just 59 years old, he has so much to live for. He was this energetic person full of life and now he's a just a shadow of who he used to be.
I just don't know how to have a life and go to work and out with friends when my dad might be dying and there's nothing I can do.
