Hi Elsa,

It's unfortunate that your mum's treatment stopped working; hopefully the next thing the docs try will have the required effect.

I understand what you're saying but there's no evidence to support the notion that 'being positive' has a therapeutic effect. I'd go so far as to say that 'being positive' when you don't actually feel it, and while maybe good for others' feelings, might have a negative effect on the one with cancer, as it's denying what they actually feel or may want to express.

I remember the feeling of anti-climax when I was told I was in remission. My wife felt the same. Yet our daughter seemed annoyed that we weren't yahooing about the hospital. Maybe it was because I still felt like crap.

Your mum seems to be realistic about things, which if you think about it, means she's accepted the way things are and is not letting fear overwhelm her. And it seems quite reasonable to be a bit down about bad news. I'd say that's positive, given the situation.

I'd also say that your feelings will be just as important to your mum as they have always been. You say you don't know what to do or say; what you could do is tell your mum how you feel, when you feel it. It's ok to be sad, tearful etc, your mum's got cancer and been given bad news - share the sorrow - take the sting out of it.

You can be as realistic as her and still be supportive. I'm the one with myeloma and I want my children, all adults, to be normal. To have normal emotions. To share normal interactions, happy, sad or in between. Normality is what I want, rather than 'special' things, memories or otherwise.

Not sure any of the above could be considered advice, just my thoughts on things. Hope things work out on the next treatment regimen.

Best Regards

Taff