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seeing my dad for the first time since we know it's terminal

crave
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Hello, this is my first post here.

My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year ago. He had an operation in the lungs and it seemed that this was it, but a couple of months ago he started having back pain and we've known now for about a month that there is metastasis to the bones and other places. So he's had some radio therapy and one session of chemo. The chemo was 10 days ago and nobody's sure if his deterioration since then is due to the chemo or the quick advancement of the cancer. So my question now ...

I don't live close to them, it is a 2 hour flight. We talk daily on skype etc. but tomorrow it will be the first time I see him face to face, knowing that the illness is so serious and that he won't live very long. And I can't stop crying. I am a total wreck. I know I will be crying in front of him when I see him, but I just don't know what to do to not cry the whole time. I just can't stop and I think it wont be good for him. I don't even know what I am expecting to hear in this forum, I know many of you have it much worse, and I really feel for you.

I will be visiting both my parents for the weekend with my 10 yo sold, and I also fear that it will all be too overwhelming for him.

Anything you can say will help ... any strategies, any recommended reading etc.

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    I think it's ok to cry in front of him when you see him and to tell him how you feel.

    It's happened with my adult children at various times and oddly enough, it gave me the opportunity to act like a father and offer them comfort. Sometimes I'd cry as well, not for myself but because of how they were feeling.

    I think it helps to bring things out into the open and takes the sting from it. No need to tiptoe around any issues, we can get on with liviing in the moment.

     

    Best Regards

    Taff

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    Hi Crave,

    Welcome to the forum. Most of us have been in a similar position in the past and can empathise with how you are feeling.

    You may surprise yourself and find that face to face you don't feel quite so overwhelmed by grief. Take it as it comes and don't try to force yourself to act in any particular way. We all deal with grief in our own ways - there's no right or wrong way to approach this.

    If you are overwhelmed, try to give your Dad some time alone with his Grandson - this may well be the last time they see each other and it would be good for your son to have some good memories to look back on. Children are far stronger than most people give them credit for and can be very matter of fact about issues of life and death. 

    Keep busy while you are there, even if its just the good old British distraction of making endless pots of tea and sandwiches. 

    This may sound weird but try to enjoy your visit - your Dad will be looking forward to seeing you, however bitter-sweet it will feel to you all :-)

    Best wishes

    Dave 

  • Offline in reply to Taff

    Just want to say thank you. What you have written helped me see things differently. Thank you. 

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