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Dad diagnosis today stage 4

SUJohn
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My dad should have had surgery weeks ago to remove his voicebox but anaesthetist said he wouldn't do it. Today for the first time they've been honest and confirmed it is stage 4 aggressive cancer on voicebox. Offered him 6 weeks of radiotherapy. He has a tracheotomy  and is coping well with it. Said he was looking at months if he doesn't have treatment. The radiotherapy sounds terrible and he's not sure if he wants it. Dad has other health issues, diabetes, heart problems, he's claustrophobic so the radiotherapy mask is freaking him out!

Now it's decision time treatment or no treatment he is 72 and said 'I've got to go sometime' but I'm not suffering for anyone!

Selfish I suppose but this post is for me on how to support him having some dignity?

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    Hi there ... sorry about your dads diagnosis... no matter what he decides to do it will be a really hard time for you all ... like your dad I have a lot of extra health issues, and when diagnosed with brest cancer, I weighed everything up and did opt for total mastectomy and I’m glad I did ... but my bones are very weak so decided on no radio therapy as that will weaken them even more ... my family have been supporting me in all my decisions... they have given me back control and my oncologist is standing by me too ... 

    but I looked at all the facts for and against... and I stand by my decision, it was right for me ... and everyone is different ... but I wanted to have quality of life... and because my family are behind me it gives me the strength to take each day as a blessing, I find something to make me smile each day .. 

    this cancer takes away so much from us, it wants us to feel beaten and cry all the time ... it has no compassion... but I feel every good day I have , every new memory I make ... each hug .. sort of kicks cancers bum along the way ... so what I would like to say, if he is anything like me ... listen to what he wants, support him , walk this path with him by his side ... make new memories... look at his albums... find out his favourite music ... find out if there’s anything he’d like to do ...hold his hand.. and don’t be afraid to say to each other , your scared sometimes.. and say all what’s in your heart ... my mum died suddenly, with no warning ... I would have given the world for just one more day ... so grab each day with both hands ... and know you’ll have good days and sad ones.. it’s all part of losing someone we love .. but good memories live in your heart forever ... take care hunny ... I’m sure he’s so proud of you ... Chrisie ️ Xx

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    Hi,

    So sorry to read about your Dad's situation. 

    They've told him that he has months without, have they given any indication of how long he might have if he does have treatment? Obviously they can't give any accurate predictions, but they should be able to give some educated guesses based on other patients with similar diagnoses. 

    Your Dad is the only one who can decide which path to take, it is always hard to decide between what are frankly two awful choices. All you can do is make sure he has enough information to be able to make an informed choice and tell him that you will support whichever choice he makes. When my Mum eventually decided that enough was enough the hardest part was dealing with family members who were finding it hard to accept that she had made her choice and that her decision was final. Their reasons were understandable, but it added to the stress within the family until they finally accepted and respected her choice. 

    Best wishes

    Dave

     

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