This is a long one, so apologies for that.
My little sister (technically half sister) has recently been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. She's turned one pretty recently so it all still feels really unfair for such a tiny baby to be so sick, & I tend to feel pretty angry at the world about it (which does no good whatsoever but I can't seem to change that.), because she's a loving and joyful baby who has no business suffering like she is. She has Downs syndrome so her prognosis is pretty good, as far as we know. She's having chemo at the moment and will be in hospital for the next six months at least.
Due to the downs syndrome she's been very sick since birth and as the oldest child in the house (my older brother, 21, lives pretty far away) at 17, it's my job to look after the younger two, keep the house clean and generally just keep the household going while my stepdad works and visits Freyja (my sister) and my mum visits her. It gets quite hard to manage around sixth form and work so I tend not to be able to make plans, getting in to sixth form is often a struggle too.
I don't really have any friends, and none that I would be able to talk to things about, and whilst my girlfriend is wonderful, i'm far too embarassed to tell her about some of the things i'm feeling because I genuinely feel terrible about them.
I guess feeling forgotten is usual for siblings of cancer patients, because of course i've had to step off the family's 'priority list' as such so freyja can be given the attention and care that she needs. It still stings a little to be honest. I recently had some offers for universities and unfortunately my mum wasn't really able to feel/act proud, which is fair and i do realise i'm being unreasonable by getting upset- Freyja needs her attention more than I do, and deserves it right now. What pushed me over the edge recently is that they've decided that the family will spend christmas in Addenbrookes, with Freyja. I have work, so I cant go. I actually found this out through my girlfriend because my family don't really talk to me about whats going on, and although I know it's selfish and petty,i'm just hurt that they decided on all this and don't mind leaving me alone on christmas day, and didn't think to tell me about it either.
Like I say, I know it's terrible of me to wish I was higher up on the list of what mattered to them but I just can't seem to help it.
I know that they need support right now and I try to help as much as I can, to help out with money and running the house, and at 17 I really shouldn't be acting so childish over this, I just really can't shake the feeling that I don't matter that much anymore.
All i can say is i'm really embarassed to be feeling the way I am.
