Advice needed

Hi My friend has stage 4 cancer and lives with a sibling. He is getting support from friends but his family are only doing basic support like taking them to appointments then dropping him home alone. He is in denial and is not asking for help from professionals. Just says he rings the doctor and they refuse appointments and don’t ring back when they say they will. Even when he eventually gets help I can’t imagine him telling anybody that he is alone and deserted by his family. I would like advice on how this situation can be improved.

  • Hello David4 and welcome to Cancer Chat.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, what a difficult situation this must be.

    Hopefully, some of our members who can relate to his situation will soon be popping by to offer some advice on how you can help but also, feel free to start chatting with others here, everyone is very friendly and I'm sure they'd be glad to talk with you.

    Best wishes to you and your friend,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi David,

    Don’t be too harsh on his family - maybe he’s told them in no uncertain terms that he only wants lifts from them. We’re not all touchy-feelly people and not all of us feel like sharing our emotions -  he may have told them he doesn’t want their pity. Having been in his situation, I can easily imagine this being the case. 

    I can’t imagine any GP refusing appointments to someone recently diagnosed at Stage 4. My own GP put me on a fast track list when I was first diagnosed. Maybe he just told you that because he simply doesn’t see the point in seeing his GP - this is quite likely if he is in shock and in denial. Burying your head in the sand and feeling utter despair isn’t very unusual - it obviously doesn’t do any good but it happens.

    I wish I could suggest what you should do about this, but without knowing your friend I would hate to try and guess. 

    Talk to him and if he is OK with it offer to make him an appointment to see his GP or consultant and offer to go with him. Be prepared to back off if he isn’t agreeable though as he may be feeling frustrated and angry with his situation and liable to lash out. On the other hand, he may have reached the stage where he needs and is ready to talk with a friend and will welcome the chance.

    Best wishes

    Dave