Hi not sure where to start its gone on for so long and we've been through so much. My husband had a t2 cancer 8 years ago with was removed by surgery . 12 months later we found out he had two large Desmoid tumours that are inoperable . He was 36 and i was 26 with a three year old child .  It's a genetic disorder . He's had tamoxifen which stabilised the growths for 2 years and the chemo four years ago . Unfortunately the tumours are rearing their heads again and he's back on the chemo . It's worse this time for lots of reasons plus he's suffering with depression . It's so hard to watch someone change so much and lose themselves and i feel helpless . There's nothing I can do but watch .  I have to work and do most things by myself and everything is just so hard all the time. People always say I'm so strong but they don't realise it's not strength it's having no choice . I feel like we are both getting to breaking point .he's losing the will to fight because he feels so awful everyday he doesn't see the point any more . The emotional side of living with this is worse then anything else. To top things off our daughter is turning 12 and they want to test her for the illness next month . The thought of it makes me want to be sick . As I'm quite young I don't know anyone that can relate to what we are going though and I hate pity so I avoid talking about any of this if I'm honest as I just think they don't have a clue, I can't say a lot of how I'm feeling to my husband as I don't want to make him feel worse and he always tries to make me feel better despite the fact he's going through this .  I just don't know how much longer I can do this for .