Hi Petra ... just hold your own, brave lady ... how very dare they ... wonder if they’ve had a close member of their family going through this ? This is your journey too ... it makes me so cross (for the want of a better word ).  Don’t let them take away these last presious days ... my sergeon listened to me , when I said this is my cancer and I need to be in control ... and he was amazing ....I’m sending you both a big hug xx let us know how you go xx

thank you so much xx i have told them that i do not want them around us at the end. I will not let them intrude and steal our last precious moments together. Thirty five years ago i never wanted my dear sweet mother to know she was dying and i feel exactly the same today about my wonderful husband. How dare they indeed. They are causing me stress i can do without.

Are you the patient?

Does your husband wish to be kept in the dark?

I ask because, if he does, then fair play, your complaint is valid.

The medical profession has a duty of care. No longer are they seen as gods, the final decision-makers and part of their duty of care is to allow the patient to make decisions for themselves. To do this of course, the patient must be privy to all the relevant information.

Personally, I don't think it's fair to make the medics responsible for making decisions that are the responsibility of the patient and if one does, one can hardly then blame them for any decision they might make in what they consider their patient's best interest. 

Having said all that, there are lots of grey areas and it's often a joint thing.

Regards

Taff

Thank you. My husband knows he is terminally ill but thinks he has a year. I say ignorance is bliss and why rub salt in a wound.

I'm the opposite, I want to know everything including the medics best guess prognosis. I was told I probably had cancer by phone and was quite happy being so told. My daughter, on the other hand, was angry for weeks.

While I understand and accept your view, I wondered if your husband shared it and if maybe he might want to know more.

It's not, of course, anything to do with me and you owe me no explanations. I'm merely interested, looking at the issue from my different perspective.

Regards

Taff

Hi again Petra ... it’s always good to honest opinions from different people , that’s what we do here, and everyone feels differently from others ... I respect that ...

but this is for both of you to know how to move forward ... I would be like you , I want to live every day I have left be it long or short , to the full ... there’s a mist sometimes where people have far outlived the prognosis and some a lot quicker ... having a time period hanging over to me, is like waiting for the end , instead of taking every day and accepting what that day holds ...

theres no right or wrong way ... my big sis, who was the strongest, wisest, wonderful sister any one would have been proud of, is in the stage of her dementia, where she knows who we are but not our names ... she knows she’s forgetful, but we all go with her on this journey of hers ... making her feel as safe as we can ... if she had been given the truth she would have panicked and not been able to deal with what was to come ... she is holding on in there, with us by her side every step of the way ..she will always be my big sis, nothing will take that away ...

my cousin died of this horrible lung cancer ... but he held on far longer then the experts gave him .. he kicked cancers bum till the end ... he was the joker in the family before and he never let that go ... he just took his oxygen bottle with him everywhere and he wouldn’t let this cancer take one day away from enjoying what he could ... he knew it would take his life ... but would he have been so brave if he was given a date ... I’m not so sure ...

so my hunny ... don’t let anyone take your last bit of time away... you know him, we can only guess... my heart is with you and your man ...I’m know there’s others who need to know as they want to make plans and know how to go forward on their journey, and that is just as important to them too ...it’s not easy whichever way we pick ... but this is your time now ... make every day count ... big hug xx ️

when the doc told my husband the.cancer was extensive and in his spine he didn't want to hear another word and left the hospital. The doc at the same time mentioned a prognosis of a year or less. Then we had a request for us both to go and see her but my.husband refused, so I went along as I had some questions to ask. It was at this meeting that I was told it would probably be less than three months. My husband talks about living life to the full.as.much as he can but he has refused help by way of oxygen and struggles to breathe. He is.excessively tired all the time but refuses to go to bed. He talks about where we shall be having our holidays next year without the slightest word of doubt creeping in. He never talks about the cancer and only once did he say he is scared and angry. I just cannot hurt him or panic him by telling him and if I can't then i certainly don't think it is something for a stranger to tell someone, even if they are in the Medical profession.

You certainly seem to have had your plate full and like you i have lost family members.It doesn't get any easier with each one. My husband also has Dementia and he has struggled the past two years. I have seen so much change in him. It sounds almost callous but when he does eventually pass it really will be a blessing. He was always  a very lively person verbally and mentally and very clever. It is really sad when he gets the simplest of things wrong. I am touched by your messages thank you  xx